


Backwards

by Pinkwigsandwindows



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Break Up, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Falling Out of Love, Fisting, Heartbreak, Hopeful Ending, Lesbian Sex, Love, Love Confessions, Public Sex, Romance, Sad and Happy, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, but let's be honest its doesnt suprise anyone really does it?, public sex is apparently something they're really into
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-07-10 14:03:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15950864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkwigsandwindows/pseuds/Pinkwigsandwindows
Summary: Trixie wanted to tell Katya how she still loved her, how she would always love her and even though they weren't together anymore, she didn't love her any less than she always had done. But she didn't say any of that. She sighed and pushed her chair back from the table. "Come on then."--Katya and Trixie have broken up after ten years together, but how did they get to sitting awkwardly across from me each other?





	1. October 2018

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to try to update this regularly. Cross your fingers. 
> 
> I need to premise this fic with, some of the chapters are really short, some are really long and I have about 4 waiting to go out so hold tight and bare with, it'll all be worth it in the end. This first chapter is super short, sorry not sorry.

They stared at each other for a while over their slowly cooling coffee, neither one knowing quite what to say. Eye contact was proving too difficult, and the tension was growing ever more palpable. After what felt like an eternity, Trixie spoke. 

"I missed you." Her voice was small and sad, tinted with not quite hope, but melancholy. Katya didn't know how to respond, and so smiled sadly into her cup of black coffee, not even meeting Trixie's gaze. They sat for a while longer. 

"I guess we should, um, hand the keys in to the realtor then, now that the house is sold." Trixie glanced at her watch and felt a wave of emotion pass over her abruptly. 'Don't cry.' She told herself. 'Do not cry.' Katya looked up at her through eyes filled with pain. She nodded, opening her mouth slightly as if she was about so speak, but then seemingly thinking twice and closing it to return to staring in her now nearly empty black coffee. 

"Kat," Trixie's voice wavered, "please say something. I don't want us to part like this..." Trixie felt the tears she'd been holding back slip and spill over her lash line and begin to fall steadily down her cheeks. It felt as if her eyes were leaking. The tears just kept rolling and rolling and she had no way of stopping them as she stared at the love of her life across the table in the small coffee shop where they had spent so many Saturday mornings together. 

"I, I don't know what you want me to say Trixie. I think it's all been said." Katya's brow furrowed as she looked at Trixie crying across from her. "Please don't cry, it's not worth all that." Katya shrugged off her emotions by laughing quietly to herself. 

"It is. I..." Trixie wanted to tell Katya how she still loved her, how she would always love her and even though they weren't together anymore, she didn't love her any less than she always had done. But she didn't say any of that. She sighed and pushed her chair back from the table. "Come on then." The action seemed to have spurred her to stop silently sobbing and to rally. Katya looked up at her, her sad eyes breaking Trixie into a million pieces. 

"Ok." Katya had barely said anything since Trixie had arrived. It was like she'd lost the ability to form sentences. Katya's heart was so broken she didn't know what to say. She had cried and yelled when they finally ended things, something totally out of character for her, but since the last time they'd seen each other five months ago, Katya had closed up and shut down. The only way she could make it through today was to say nothing, or she would spill everything. She pushed back from the table, gulping down the last of her coffee and smiling tightly at the girl she loved so very much. "Come on then."


	2. May 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today was different. Today Trixie was the one silently resigned to the fact that there was nothing left to do, and it broke Katya in a way she didn't know how to handle. She sat down on the edge of the sofa staring at the broken glass, waiting for Trixie to come and say something, anything. As she stared at the broken pieces she thought about how many times in the last week she'd cried silently on the sofa as Trixie slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably gonna get sader before it gets happier... but it will. Comments are appreciated.

"What do you mean you think it's over?" Katya screamed at Trixie as she left their living room. "How can you say," she yelled, getting up and throwing the pillow she'd been clinging to, as Trixie had cried at her, to the ground, knocking her glass of water off the coffee table and not even looking back as it smashed on their hardwood floor, "that IT'S OVER? After 10 years you're just gonna leave? Fuck you Beatrix. Fuck you." She rounded the corner and watched as Trixie pulled on her coat, taking out her keys silently as she sobbed. "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING? You cannot just walk away from us."  
"What do you want me to say Katya?" Trixie looked at her imploringly. "Really? Tell me what to say? We're unhappy. Can you deny it? No. So stop trying to paint me like the bad guy. I can't carry on living like this." She sobbed. All Katya wanted to do was put her arms around her and hold her close, make the pain go away. But she was the reason for Trixie's pain in the first instance. So she remained still. Staring. Heart breaking.  
"Trixie. I love you so much." She thought perhaps Trixie didn't understand how much.  
"I love you too. But. I can't anymore. The drugs, the alcohol... I can't." She put her hand on the door handle as she cried. Katya felt her knees buckle as she twisted the door handle to leave. Suddenly her voice became quiet, the anger leave her and quiet desperation taking its place.  
"Please don't go." She felt tears she'd been holding back bubble up. "Please." She took a step forward and her ankle give way, and as she reached out to find something to steady herself, she found her hand grasping around Trixie's outstretched forearm. Trixie pulled her up, not letting go until Katya had steadied herself.  
"I have to. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm going to stay at Kim's. I'll call."  
Katya looked at her with anger and pain. "Don't bother." Katya turned on her heel and stormed back to the living room, half expecting Trixie to follow her. They'd fought like this so many times in the last year. It had progressively got more often and with more heat, Katya often left silent with pent up anger as Trixie screamed and cried at her. Today was different. Today Trixie was the one silently resigned to the fact that there was nothing left to do, and it broke Katya in a way she didn't know how to handle. She sat down on the edge of the sofa staring at the broken glass, waiting for Trixie to come and say something, anything. As she stared at the broken pieces she thought about how many times in the last week she'd cried silently on the sofa as Trixie slept. She loved Trixie with all of her heart, it was a love like she'd never known, it had consumed her from pretty much the moment they'd met, she had thought this was it... and yet. Here they were, fighting like they'd never shared a loving moment in their lives. She waited for the living room door to open, but it didn't. Instead came the sound of their heavy front door and a muffled sob as what Katya could only imagine was Trixie trying not to cry as she left. She left. She went without saying anything and the front door slammed shut. It was at that moment that Katya let everything she had been holding in fall from her heart. She sobbed and sobbed on the sofa, gasping for air as she felt every emotion that she'd not been able to process. She couldn't fathom her life without Trixie. She didn't want to. They were supposed to be together for the rest of their lives. They had talked about the future and what they wanted to do when Katya finally finished her architecture degree. Where they wanted to go. The places they wanted to see. Katya knew, in her heart, that this was the end. The look Trixie had given her had said so much, and it broke her. She scrunched her hands up and held them to her temples as her loud sobs turned to silent ones. She would later swear that she physically felt her heart break in two. Her phone buzzed on the table as Violet's name flashed. She didn't answer. What could she say. Everything was ruined. And Trixie was gone.

As Katya sat crying silently throughout the night, Trixie made her way to Kim's in an uber, staring out the window feeling numb. When she reached her friends house, she found warm hugs, tea, Kim and Shea. She found comfort and love in the arms of her best friends as she tried to process what she had done. When she tried to explain, her words were sporadic and broken. Kim knew it all anyway, so did Shea. They had known this might be the outcome all week. Trixie had warned them on Monday that she didn't know how much longer she could take it and so they had prepared, knowing that Trixie wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it.  
"Baby, you need to get some sleep." Shea had said, putting her arms around her friend and rubbing her head as Trixie stared silently into her tea. "Come on, sleep in my bed. I'll sleep with Kim." Trixie hadn't moved then. She'd remained in a comatose like state for 4 hours, until the sun had started out of it's slumber and they had forceably stood her up and walked her to Shea's room, putting her in pajamas and wrapping her up. They sat with her for a while as she drifted in and out of consciousness, saying nothing. Once they'd decided she was sleeping, they quietly got up and went to leave. Kim's hand was on the doorhandle when Trixie called out,  
"Can you stay?" She looked so small and sad, Kim had turned back to her and sighed.  
"Of course." She gestured for Shea to go to bed, knowing she had work the next day, and climed back in to join her friend.  
Kim wrapped her arms around Trixie, stroking her hair and soothingly sshing her as finally she allowed herself to cry properly. All she could think of was Katya. All she wanted was to be in Katya's strong arms, to feel the steady rhythm of her heartbeat and to calm her breathing and fall in time with her rhythm. She felt her whole body shake as Kim tried to comfort her, and slowly, little by little, she began to slip into a fitful slumber.  
When she woke the next day, having had no more than two hours sleep, she got up, wrapped in a blanket, and went and sat on the balcony for hours, watching the streets below her and wondering what Katya was doing. Katya. The woman who had stolen her heart in a flurry of romance and passion. Katya, who she had loved unconditionally for 10 years of her life. She had been 19 when they met. She was now almost 30, Katya was 36 and neither one of them had expected to have to start new lives. But, as she looked down at the people going about their days, she thought about how they would have carried on. They had fought constantly for months, maybe even the last year, over things that really didn't matter to either of them. Trixie wasn't sure what to do next but she felt a small sense of relief that the fighting was over now. That she could finally breathe. The balcony door opened and Kim slipped out, running a hand over Trixie's shoulder and handing her a cuppa.  
"Drink." She'd comanded.  
"Thanks. Tea solves all ailments and problems huh?" Trixie laughed. And then her eyes glazed over again.  
"Talk to me Trixie, what do you want to do?"  
"I don't know." Trixie laughed again. "I don't know what to do. I guess we have to sell the house, divide everything up, I'll have to look for somewhere to rent." Kim stopped her.  
"I meant today. Don't think about all that now. What do you want to do today?" Kim smiled at her. "I took the day off." Trixie looked up at her, suddenly comprehending that Kim should in fact be at work.  
"Why?"  
"Because you needed me." Kim answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world.  
"You didn't have to do that." Trixie looked away, feeling like such a burden all of a sudden.  
"I did. And it doesn't matter. They didn't need me." They sat in silence for a while, both of them trying to pull their minds away from thinking of Katya. Trixie and Katya had been together for so long, she was not just a major part of Trixie's life but Kim's and Shea's and Sasha's and Pearl's as well. Trixie breifly wondered if it was like getting custody. They got Trixie, and Violet, Fame and Ginger would get Katya. God that made her sad. She didn't want to imagine her life without any of them. She cried for a bit as they sat there. Kim never told her to stop. She just let her feel. After a while, Trixie looked at her friend and said,  
"Can we go get food. I've not eaten since Thursday." It was Saturday. She'd forgone food yesterday in favour of neat scotch. She suddenly registered how very very hungry she was.  
"Cattivo?" Kim smiled, knowing Trixie's favourite Italian might cheer her up. But instead Trixie's face hollowed out. Cattivo had been somewhere she'd first discovered with Katya. A dawning realisation that there would be many places she could no longer go sucked the breath from her lungs momentarily. She shook her head.  
"Somewhere else. Somewhere new."  
They ended up in a small vegetarian restaurant close to the apartment. Trixie ate half her meal and couldn't stomach the rest. She thought she saw Katya at least three times whilst sitting at lunch and it made her heart ache. It was enough to push her back into her wordless slumber and soon, Kim whisked them back to the flat and tucked her up in front of the telly with yet more tea.

Meanwhile, Katya had yet to return anyones calls, or even move from the sofa, except to pull a bottle of vodka from the freezer and a small bag of white powder from a box in the bedroom, and so as Kim made sure Trixie had everything she needed, Fame and Ginger hammered on Katya's front door.  
"Bitch. Let us the fuck in." Ginger was angry. She was angry with herself for not having listened when Katya said she thought Trixie might leave her.  
She was angry that when Shea had called Violet last night to tell her Trixie was staying at theirs, Violet hadn't immediately gone round or sent Ginger or Fame as she was away on a fashion buying trip. She was angry at Katya for not opening the door. And she was angry at Trixie for causing her friend such pain. But she wasn't really angry at Trixie, despite not always having seen eye to eye they had become friends over the last decade and it pained her almost as much to think of Trixie heartbroken as it did to think of Katya heartbroken.  
"I'M GONNA KNOCK THIS DOOR DOWN! I AM NOT KIDDING KATYA. I WILL FORCE ENTRY IF I HAVE TO!" She yelled. Fame sighed. She wished she'd had the foresight to get keys from Shea, as Kim and Shea had the spare because they were the most trustworthy of the friendship group.  
"I'm gonna see if Sasha will come round with Shea's keys." Fame said, pulling Shea's girlfriend's name up on her phone, but as she did, she heard the inside lock click and the door creaked open. Katya had already started to walk back to the living room, not waiting for them or greeting them.  
"Bitch you're a mess." Fame shook her head, looking at the broken glass on the floor and then newly smashed picture of the former lovers.  
"Have you eaten?" Ginger called out from the kitchen. Katya had laid back down on the sofa and was staring at the black tv screen blankly. Fame sat on the armrest and softly twisted Katya's hair in her fingers. She hummed a soft melody, somewhat tunelessly, that seemed to make Katya's eyes soften momentarily. Ginger stormed out with toast, coffee and juice on a tray putting it down on the coffee table in front of Katya.  
"Come on girl, you gotta eat." Ginger had crouched down and had her hand on Katya's leg. She merely shook her head, avoiding eye contact. Fame felt the heaviness of that movement as if it was her own.  
"Tell us what happened Kat." Ginger sighed. Katya inhaled deeply and then rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling.  
"She ended it. Said she couldn't live like this anymore." Katya felt a small tear slide down over her sharp cheekbone. She batted it away lazily and scrunched up her eyes. "It's over." There was about a minute of silence as all three women contemplated the gravity of the situation. Then Katya spoke again, staring at the vodka on the table, "I really want a drink." She leant her head back slightly so she was looking up at Fame who was still perched on the edge of the sofa. There was so much sadness and pain in her eyes, Katya wondered if she was mirroring her own look. Fame inhaled and chewed her lip as she was want to do when she was stressed.  
"But you've not had one?" Fame questioned. Katya shook her head. Fame picked up the bottle and handed it to Ginger, who removed it to the kitchen.  
"That's good babe. That's really good." Katya felt her breath catch as she tried not to cry. "And this?" She picked up the white powder. Katya shook her head, and pointed to line, laid out on the table, and continued to shake her head.  
"I can't think straight." She sniffled. "Everything feels foggy. I want to speak to Trixie."  
"I don't think that's a good idea love," Ginger sighed.  
"But..."  
"You gotta give her some space. Respect her wishes."  
"But she said she'd call. She hasn't. I told her not to bother but I didn't mean it." Slight panic took over Katya as she sat up slightly and leant back on Fame's legs, staring wildly at Ginger.  
"Okay, come on now. If she said she'll call, she will. But, Kat, I think you have to think about whether that will do you any good at all. Talking to her I mean, do you think it's a good idea?" Katya said nothing for a moment, staring at her hands.  
"I miss her." As if those words opened up yet another flood gate, she started to cry quietly. Half an hour ago, she was sure she had cried all the tears in her body, but yet here she was again. Fame put her hand on Katya's shoulder and kissed her head as her friend cried and cried for the best part of an hour until she was too tired to cry anymore and fell asleep tucked in between the other two girls, who exchanged worried, silent looks over her head.


	3. December 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case you've not worked it out, we're working backwards... 
> 
> I'm still umming and aahing about how much info to give as we work back to important moments in their lives, but things will get cleared up along the way. And also I'm just really enjoying writing back to front.

Katya was sat in the library studying for her final unit exam of the year, head down, pounding from spending the day under fluorescent lighting and not drinking enough water. She had worked through approximately half of things she needed to get done today and felt no closer to being ready for this exam. Her mind was wandering, she had been in the library since midday, it was now much later than that but she had so much to do. She wondered what Trixie was doing, home, alone. She hoped she wasn't too lonely or bored without her there. Katya had to continually remind herself that in less than a year this whole thing would be over and that they could go back to how their lives had been. That they could go back to being the fun loving couple that they were supposed to be, if they made it through the year that is. They'd argued a lot recently, more than was normal for them. The first four years of Katya's degree had been fine, but the last 2 and a half had really tested them, and with Trixie feeling more alone than ever, Katya worried indiscretions would begin to happen again like they had in the beginning of their relationship. Katya had all but forgiven Trixie for the mistakes made in the first year or two of them being together, knowing that Trixie had been young and irresponsible, and that now she shouldn't need to worry. Or should she? There had been that moment a year or so ago when Katya had felt quite sure that had she not been home, Trixie would have done something really stupid. But maybe that was just her overthinking things, after all, Trixie had sworn blind that that wasn't what was happening and so Katya should trust her right? 

She realised she'd been daydreaming for 20 minutes and pulled her focus back to the text book in front of her. She wondered if she should go home now. She missed Trixie. As if by magic, as she thought about how much she missed her partner, her phone rang and Trixie's name and several love hearts flashed up.

"Hey babe, what's up?" She smiled into her phone, waiting for the sound of her lovely girlfriend's voice. It came, harsh and abrupt.  
"Do you still love me?" Katya was confused. She shook her head to herself and sat up a little straighter.  
"Of course I do."  
"Then why do I feel like I am living with someone who doesn't want to be near me." Katya was still confused. She pushed back from the table and swung on the back legs of her chair for a moment, perplexed.  
"Trixie I don't understand what's happening here." She put her pen down and closed one if her text books, swinging forward and resting her head on it as she talked in hushed tones.  
"I just... it's 9.45pm. Where are you?"  
"Studying. At the library. I told you I would be home late." Katya sighed. ' _This again,_ ' she thought to herself.  
"But you didn't say it would be this late." Trixie sounded drunk. "I went to Shea and Sash's so I wouldn't be alone. I thought you'd be home by now." She sounded drunk, and tearful, which was never a good sign.  
"Baby, come on. I'm trying to ace this unit exam, so I can do well and so we can relax over Christmas. Stop being silly." Katya smiled a little to herself. "You know I love you."  
"Please come home," Trixie sniffled. Katya looked at the books in front of her, notes about the history of some architecture movement that she cared very little about. She had so much left to revise.  
"I have so much left to revise..." her voice was laden with guilt, she wanted to be with her baby but she also needed to push through this last year if she wanted to graduate in August.  
"Okay. Whatever." Trixie huffed.  
"Don't be like that baby," she got up and went outside, the looks from the other students making her feel uncomfortable. The library shut at 11. She had planned to be the last person there.  
"Stop calling me baby. I want to spend some time with you Katya. I feel as if all I do is work and sit at home by myself. I'm sick of it. It's lonely."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I don't want an apology. I want you to put some fucking effort into our relationship for once. I want you to hold me. To ask me how my day was. To fuck me." Katya leant her head back against the wall in the cool night air. When was the last time they'd had sex. A month? Two? Trixie was rambling about how she felt unloved, and Katya couldn't get a word in edge ways to tell her that that wasn't the case.  
"I..."  
"Do you know what. Fuck it. Whatever. Don't bother making an effort. I'm fine. See you tomorrow, maybe." The line went dead. Katya stood at the entrance to the library, mouth agape, and tried to get her mind back on architecture, but she couldn't. She didn't want to go home and deal with the passive aggressive attitude of her partner of 9 years. She didn't want to get home and see her own bedroom door closed to her. She didn't want to hear Trixie yell about how she was selfish and lazy and useless when all she was doing was trying to build a better life for the two of them after they'd lived too close to the breadline for too long. Katya sighed. Well, she might as well try to get another few moments studying done. She might as well try.

  
Another half an hour passed. Her phone again. Sasha. Oh this couldn't be good news.  
"Sash, hey."  
"Hey Kat. Shea is currently on the phone to your girl. It doesn't sound good, thought you should know." Sasha's low, vocally fried voice permeated her world like a knife to the heart. Shea and Trixie had been very good friends for longer than Katya and Trixie had been together, and Shea would never have let Sasha call if she'd not be a little more than concerned about Trixie.  
"Fuck. Sash, I don't know what to do. She's angry at me for staying late to study."  
"She's angry at you because she's lonely. She said at dinner tonight that she's not seen you properly in months, is that true?" Sasha didn't let her respond. "She just wants to spend some time with you Kit." Kit. Kit Kat had been her nickname gifted by Trixie when she had introduced her to her friends 9 years ago. She'd not heard it in a long time, that shows how long it'd been since she'd seen there friends, or since her girlfriend had addressed her with the affectionate term.  
"I can't win." Katya was tired.  
"Go home to her. She needs you." Sasha was always the first to say the honest truth, and so Katya rallied herself because she knew that if Sasha was saying it, it meant whatever phone call happening between their two girlfriends was not good.  
"I'm fucking it all up Sasha." Katya felt sad all of a sudden. She just wanted to give Trixie the life she deserved.  
"You aren't. Trixie gets that you're working this hard for both of you. But she needs you to be present." Sasha's voice was stern.  
"Ok. Try to keep her on the phone."

  
Across the other side of town, as Katya hung up and made her way home, Trixie was curled up in bed, a whiskey in hand, sobbing to Shea over the phone. She talked about how lonely she felt, how she hadn't had sex with Katya for months, how they'd barely spent more than an evening together in the last 4 weeks. She told Shea how scared she was. How afraid she was that Katya was pushing herself to study so much in order to escape their relationship. None of this was new to Shea, a slightly more sober, coherent Trixie had confessed all this to her two friends earlier in the evening. But she could tell Trixie was hurting deeply.  
"Girl, I've told you, she's trying to do the best for you."  
"It doesn't feel like it," Trixie hiccuped. "She's falling out of love with me, she says she isn't but she is." Trixie was drunk. Very drunk.  
"Come on, you silly thing. Katya loves you more than Sasha loves me," Trixie heard the smile in Shea's voice and a thump as what she thought was probably Sasha throwing a pillow at her girlfriend. It made her feel worse.  
"I don't think so. I asked her to come home tonight, but she stayed there. She doesn't want to be near me." Trixie fully broke down and sobbed, not hearing Shea's words. She cried for so long, she began to run out of tears, but she was too distraught to hear the front door open and her girlfriend enter their home. Katya put her heavy bags of text books down by the front door. She kicked off her shoes and braced herself. Trixie didn't hear her walk up the hall, or open their door. She didn't hear anything until she was being held in strong arm's and having her phone pulled from her hand.  
"Hey Shea, I'm home. Thank you, and," Katya paused, "I'm really sorry." Trixie sobbed and sobbed. Katya cried too, silently from above her girlfriend as she held her. She couldn't grasp how Trixie had become so distraught and she felt as if her heart was being ripped out. Trixie clinged to Katya as if her life depended on it. She could feel Trixie's heart.  
"Sssh, I'm here Trix. I'm here." Trixie held her tighter and settled her breathing. "What started all of this huh?" There was silence.  
"Someone at the bar told me I was wasting my time with you."  
"Who the fuck said that?" Katya bristled. She had an idea who, but she hoped it wasn't the case because she would fully break something if it is was.  
"A-a-alaska." Trixie descended into tears again. Fat tears fell into her glass and Katya took it from her and put it on the table. She was going to kill Alaska.  
"Fucking cow." She pulled away from Trixie and wiped the makeup from under her eyes, kissing her between her brows and staying there for a while. Ex girlfriends should be forced to move countries. "You know she was just trying to wind you up. You know that. I never loved her the way I love you. And you know Alaska, we're all friends now, and she probably just made a really tasteless joke and it hit a never because we've been arguing a little more than normal. Take no notice of her baby." She kissed Trixie's head. Alaska had been Katya's girlfriend for a year before she'd met Trixie. Trixie, who had made Katya's heart fall out of her chest, and Alaska, who she'd broken up with quicker than anyone could have thought. Katya knew when she met Trixie there was no point wasting her time with anyone else, she knew where her heart wanted to be. Alaska wasn't exactly bitter anymore, I mean it had been ten years and she had a loving partner now, but every now and again she said something that made either Katya or Trixie bristle, feel insecure or doubt themselves. It wasn't always intentional, but Alaska had a habit of picking their weak spots and making jokes about them, even when they themselves hadn't registered that they were there.  
"Do you still want to be with me?" Trixie's voice was so small it was barely audible. Katya sighed.  
"I love you more than I've loved anyone Trix."  
"But do you want to be with me? Do you want to be in this relationship?" Trixie looked up at her, tears threatening her eyes yet again.  
"Yes. Of course." She looked back at her, reaching down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "Come on, sleep time now." Trixie closed her eyes but didn't move.  
"Are we going to be ok?" There was so much fear in her voice.  
"Yes. I promise." Trixie reached up and cupped Katya's face in her hand. Katya said it with conviction, but she didn't know if she truly knew the answer. She'd started her studies 6 and a half years ago, and they'd argued so much since that moment. She wanted Trixie to be able to trust her and to know that she really did want to make their relationship work, but she wasn't quiet so sure as she'd been once, and it scared her so much. Trixie was the love of her life, and she didn't want to be without her, but Trixie deserved so much more than Katya could give her and it made Katya question why Trixie was still with her. Katya kissed her gently on the mouth, her soft lips tasting like tears and scotch, he breathing still a little shaky. Trixie increased the intensity of her kisses and Katya reciprocated, putting her hands either said of her girlfriends face and willing her to feel how much she loved her. When Trixie pulled away, her eyes were heavy and she looked so beautiful. It made Katya's heart flutter. She really wanted to push Trixie back on the bed and bury her face in between her legs, but instead she peppered little kisses along her jawline.

"Will you fuck me?" Trixie swayed a little as she closed her eyes. Kat took a moment, she wanted to so much. She'd thought Trixie would never ask again, it had been so long. But good sense took over her.  
"Not whilst you're this drunk baby." Trixie's eyes glazed over, and she turned away, sliding under the covers and lying down. "What now?" Katya was exasperated.  
"Nothing. Let's just go to sleep." Katya wanted to scream but instead she got up, smoked a cigarette, brushed her teeth, got changed, took her makeup off and by the time she'd done all that, Trixie was sleeping, full face, fully dressed. Katya thought about trying to wake her but decided against it and slipped into bed next to her girl, slipping an arm around her waist and spooning her loosely. Trixie turned over to face Kat in her sleep, still smelling of scotch and tears, and Katya kissed her lightly, inhaling the scent and trying not to wish with her whole body that she was also that drunk. She could feel her resolve waning with every argument, and that worried her. She didn't want to relapse, but she could see her old tendencies resurfacing and the one person who'd ever been able to help when she was feeling this way was currently laid across from her in a drunken stupor. She'd have to talk to Fame, she'd have to ask for help.


	4. June 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to tell you guys, it's inevitable that this will cheerier as times goes backwards, as we get closer to the start of their relationship but I'm not sure if that makes it happier when we already know the outcome...

"TRIX!" Katya pushed the door open and sang out, "I'm home!!!" Katya sing songed, quietly hoping that Trixie wasn't in so she could set her plan for their 8 year anniversary in motion. Silence. Perfect. She pulled out the bag of 30 tealights and began to place them all around the living room,  pulling the record player out from under the bookshelf and setting it on the deep shelf by the fireplace in the corner. She found some soft jazz record that Trixie loved and set it spinning, knowing she would probably have to reset it when she got home, but enjoying the purity of the sound for the moment. She pulled out the things she'd bought for dinner, putting the Champagne and the fizzy elderflower cordial in the fridge and leaving the expensive bottle of Malbec for Trixie out to warm up. She'd bought copious amounts of delicacies from their local deli, mostly vegetarian, with a couple of meat or fish based treats thrown in for herself. Dessert was chocolate mousse from the same place, she'd tried it before buying it, and it was rich and chocolatey and perfect for her sweet toothed girlfriend. She pulled the curtains open and slipped out onto the balcony to disperse even more candles before having a cigarette and looking back at her handiwork. She couldn't wait to see Trixie's face when she got home from the studio. Katya was 6 years in to her degree, and things had been becoming more difficult to balance as her work load increased and her grip on her home life slipped. She knew Trixie was getting frustrated that they'd hardly seen each other, and that she felt as if she was doing everything, but Katya hoped tonight would change that a little. They'd been having sex less and less, and spending less time together as well, but Katya knew it was her turn to step up. When she'd spoken with Trixie on the phone earlier in the day, she'd made out as though she would be home late from university, not mentioning their 8 year mark and quietly enjoying Trixie's slightly moody responses. She'd gone to her favourite lingerie shop and bought new underwear for herself, and then gone back moments later to buy new underwear for Trixie. She wanted this moment to be perfect. Trixie had said she'd finish work at 7pm, and it was 6pm.  
Katya's heart buzzed and she stubbed her cigarette out, skipping to the shower and washing the day away as she hummed a tune she'd heard Trixie working on the week before. The water was warm on her skin as she lathered Trixie's sulphate free fancy schmancy shampoo onto her head, revelling in the familiarity of the smell of it. She ran her hands up and down her body, enjoying the taughtness of her own stomach. She had stopped shaving her pubic hair about 4 years ago and so quickly tidied it up with the small scissors she kept in their bathroom. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and laughed.

As her mind wandered, she thought of Trixie and found her hands reaching for her breasts as she did. Her nipple piercings felt cold and sexy between her fingers, and she ran her hands down to where her thighs met. She was wet. And not from the water. She couldn't wait for Trixie to get home so she could push her head down between her legs, the thought of sharing her body with the girl she loved fuelling her desire. The temptation to make herself cum was so strong, however she wanted to save herself for Trixie, she wanted to be pent up and coiled tight so that when Trixie touched her, she unraveled at her fingertips. She wanted Trixie to know how much she wanted her.  
After finally pulling her hands away from her body, she hopped out of the shower and went to their bedroom, turning on fairy lights and lighting more candles as she danced naked around her room.

6.45pm.

She was practically fizzing with excitement at the thought of Trixie being home in less than an hour. She put her favourite heels on, stood naked in the mirror examining herself, and then thought better and slipped into her lingerie, laying Trixie's out on the bed. She returned to the mirror. The pink fabric she'd picked out for herself, knowing it would drive Trixie wild, sat snuggly against her hips, two thing strips of silk coming out at the legs and crossing over to encase them. The bra was hardly there and it had silk straps that wrapped around her waist and tied at the back. She felt beautiful. She didn't often feel beautiful, but knowing how Trixie would love it made her feel incredibly sexy. She slipped into her black silk robe and brushed her hair out, letting it tousle naturally. She thought about makeup, but no amount of sex would ever see her in a pink lip, so she opted for lipgloss and nothing else.

7.10pm.

Trixie would have left the studio by now. Katya practically skipped to the kitchen, rushing around to light the candles she'd laid out. She thought about lighting the fire, but decided it would be too warm. She reset the record, ready to play it in 20 minutes or so when she knew Trixie would nearly be home. Time for a cigarette? She checked her watch.

7.20pm.

Yes.  
She stood out on the balcony in her underwear, robe, and trainers to stop her feet getting mucky and thought back over the 8 years she'd known Trixie. She felt lucky. It hadn't always been easy, but it had always been worth it and the thought of Trixie coming home to such a wonderful night was perfect. She thought back to when they were young and in love, and how they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other at all for the first year of their relationship, taking any opportunity to have sex and running with it. She missed that. She couldn't wait to see Trixie's face when she got home. Looking out over the skyline, she thought about what her life would've been like if 8 and a half years ago she hadn't gone with Ginger to that stupid show she didn't want to go to and how she'd never have met Trixie and that made her sad. Her phone went off and startled her out of her thoughts. The timer.

7.30pm.  
She dashed back into the living room and reset the music, poured some champagne and sat on the sofa, waiting.

  
7.30pm came and went. She was sure Trixie had just got stuck in traffic.

  
7.40pm. Really bad traffic.

  
7.50pm. The champagne had gone warm and the music was coming to the end of the first side. Where was she? Katya thought to herself, sitting on the sofa resisiting the urge to smoke. She also wanted to down the Champagne she'd bought for Trixie, and resisting that was proving a lot trickier.

  
At 8.15pm, she thought about calling her. She texted instead.

_Hey baby, you ok?_

She sent it and went to smoke, leaving her phone on the table. She wondered what was going on. Trixie hadn't mentioned staying out late. When she returned she had a message.

_Yeah fineeeee. You?_

Katya was confused. She felt like she spent a lot of her time being confused recently.

_Yeah, you home?_

_On  MYway now. Bacck in 10.why?_

Phew, Katya thought. She quickly relit some candles, poured Trixie a fresh glass and reset the music for the third time. Those texts were eiter sent in a hurry, or Trixie was tipsy.

Sitting waiting for Trixie was utter torture. She drummed her fingers on the sofa and tried not to worry. Well, this isn't what she'd had planned.

As Trixie had promised, 10 minutes later the front door opened, Katya let her robe fall away as she stood to greet her, determined that nothing would ruin this evening, and in stumbled a drunk Trixie, followed by two blonde girls Katya thought she recognised from the studio. Trixie stopped as she saw the living room, the two blondes were less astute.  
"COME ON TRIX! Where's this Russian vodka you've been creaming your panties over?" The taller, more brash of the two screamed pushing past Trixie. Katya raised an eyebrow at Trixie, who was still stood like a statue at the door. The other girl followed the first, planting a hand on Trixie's waist, leaning up and biting her ear playfully as she said,  
"And what about that threesome eh?" The girl then laughed melodically before spotting Katya, "Oh. Looks like we're interrupting something Will!" Australian. Katya thought her name might be Courtney?  
"Kat..." Trixie's voice was weak. "I thought you were gonna be late, so I went for drinks with Willam and Courtney from work." Trixie's eyes watered. Katya looked down at her semi naked self and the glass of champagne she was holding. She held it out to Trixie and said,  
"Happy Anniversary."  
"I thought you forgot." Trixie didn't take it. An awkward silence descended and then the giggling drunk Australian whispered something to Willam who said,  
"You gonna drink that Trix? Coz if you're not..."  
"Willam fuck off. Can you guys... leave?" Trixie had sobered up pretty quickly, although not enough to stop swaying slightly. She shot a look at Willam and Courtney, who looked at each other, rolling their eyes.  
"Yeah whatever. Come on Court lets go to the bar and pick up some cute people, clearly we're not getting any action here." Willam grabbed Courtney by the hand, and the two beautiful blondes and their toussled locks disappeared. Trixie and Katya were left staring at each other. Katya put the glass down and sighed, before sitting on the sofa.  
"I... I thought you'd forgotten and I was upset so the girls took me out to make me feel better." Katya rounded on Trixie.  
"Have I ever forgotten?" Her tone was serious.  
"No, but..."  
"But what?"  
"This year feels different."  
"I wanted tonight to be special. I wanted to surprise you." Katya wasn't angry, just sad that they were clearly on such different pages to each other. "You didn't say anything all day either Trix. I could just as easily have assumed you'd forgotten."  
"I would never..."  
"Are you saying I would?" She sounded disappointed. Trixie took steps towards her and touched her shoulder.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Why did Courtney mention a threesome?" Katya's eyes were dark. She had a terrible feeling rumbling in her stomach.  
"It was a joke Kat, honest." Trixie took her hand.

"It didn't look like a joke to me... she must have known you have a partner? Why did she -" Katya stopped herself and looked down. "Why did she bite your ear? That's not funny Trixie."

"Kat, come on..."  
"It wasn't funny the first time it happened Trixie. It wouldn't be funny this time either."  
"I know. I'm not... I made a mistake. It was years ago, and I thought we were past that. Come on Kitty, you know I'd never... I am sorry."  
"Jesus. I've been sat here like an absolute twat, waiting and worrying whilst you've been out probably getting felt up in bars by other women and then what, coming back and fucking them in our bed?" Katya never raised her voice, but kept it low and controlled. Trixie put her head in her hands and began to tear up.  
"That's not what happened. We weren't gonna- She was joking." Trixie stumbled.

Katya didn't know what to believe. Once before, at the beginning of their relationship, Katya had been mortified to come home and find Trixie and a bunch of her work friends, drunk and being far too hands on with eachother than was usual for colleagues. She'd been angry, but mostly because it was not Trixie's thing at all and anytime Katya had suggested anything more than vanilla, Trixie had been resistant. Katya had gotten over it a long time ago, but tonight she'd felt that long forgotten feeling of betrayl and embarrasement flare up as she'd stood there, mostly naked, having done everything romantic she could've. As Trixie cried her resolve began to melt and she reached out a hand and put it on Trixie's leg. She never could resist comforting her, especially when she was feeling guilty as she became so quiet and soft. Trixie was knotting the tassles of her top in her hands, fat tears spoldging onto them as she tried not to cry. She clearly felt terrible, and Katya felt awful for bringing up an indiscretion from so early on in their relationship. It probably wasn't fair. She'd been angry and hurt but she knew Trixie wouldn't have gone out with those girls if she had just told of her plans this evening. Maybe it was actually all Katya's fault, she suddenly felt as if she should apologise.

"Don't cry Trix. It's ok. I'm just sad we missed most of the evening. Come on, come here." Putting her arms out, she enveloped a still sniffling Trixie into her embrace and kissed her on the head. "I shouldn't have made you feel bad, I'm sorry. I should've told you my plans."  
They sat for a little while until Trixie had stopped crying and they held each other tighter. Katya hooked a leg round Trixie's waist and the pretzeled into themselves on the sofa. Trixie was soft in Katya's arm, her breasts pressed against Katya's almost naked body, her thighs soft in her jeans. Her breathing cooling onto Katya's chest and the steadily growing pace of her heart. When Trixie looked up finally she said,  
"You look incredible. Fuck." She shifted back slightly and drank in the site of Katya. "I didn't even get to appreciate how fucking gorgeous you look tonight. Pink suits you." She pulled Katya up and held her at arms length. "Jesus, why did I have to ruin everything." She sighed.  
"Stop, don't be silly." Katya pulled her in for a kiss and she felt Trixie relax into her once more. Trixie's hands were everywhere as she deepened their kiss, opening her mouth and slipping her tongue into Katya's. Katya wanted to tell Trixie about the underwear, the Champagne, the record player that had stopped working and the tea lights that had gone out. But she didn't. She simply melted into her taller girlfriends embrace, the need to be near her overpowering her.  
"Fuck." Trixie pulled away for breath slightly, and looked hazily at Katya. "I'm sorry Kat."  
"Stop apologising." Katya laughed.  
"I need to tell you something else." Trixie suddenly looked intense. Katya's heart plumeted as a million options coursed through her head. She was looking at Trixie, who looked sheepishly up at her and said,  
"A guy at the bar tried to kiss me tonight. I didn't let him, or want him to. But I wanted to be honest..." she trailed off, a slightly glint in her eye. Once upon a time this would have turned Katya on even more.  
"Oh." Katya's body language shifted.  
"But I didn't kiss him back Kat. I pushed him off me straight away." Trixie took her hands and held them to her heart. "You know how gay I am!" She winked.  
"Okay." Katya thought about asking her why she was telling her this now. Then thought better of it. Then thought again.  
"Hang on, why even tell me if nothing happened? I didn't really need to know. Especially after this evening!"  
"I wanted to be honest."  
"Right." Katya had been through so many emotions this evening she wasn't sure she could take much more. She looked at Trixie and sighed. "Way to kill the mood Trix." She laughed it off as soon as it was out of her mouth. She didn't know what she was supposed to think but she was tired and all she wanted was to lie in bed, naked, with her girlfriend in her arms. This conversation could wait for a night that wasn't already their ruined 8th anniversary.  
"Sorry, I thought it was better to tell you... you used to find it hot when guys hit on me." It was true, she'd always loved the idea of Trixie being this untouchable gay goddess that men would fall to their knees for. Tonight it sat a little more uncomfortably that she would have liked.  But she was determined not to let anything ruin it and so said,  
"Alright my beautiful gay girl. Go and shower. Put on your present. I'll get food ready." It was 9.30pm. They'd missed most of the evening and it wouldn't be the long drawn out event that Katya had dreamed of, but she was determined in wouldn't turn into another night of difficult conversations. Tonight, she was going to woo her girl the way she deserved, and tomorrow they would talk about this evening and the guy and why they felt more distant from each other as days went by. But not tonight.


	5. December 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie was lying on a float in the pool, cocktail and book in hand. Katya stared at her. She was an absolute glorious sight to behold, tanned and glowing. Her breasts, large and pillowy, were spilling out of the pink swimsuit she was wearing, her leg dangling in the water revealed the space between her legs where Katya could see the glistening beads of sweat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little softer for all your hearts today... it's not all bad times after all!

Trixie was lying on a float in the pool, cocktail and book in hand. Katya stared at her. She was an absolute glorious sight to behold, tanned and glowing. Her breasts, large and pillowy, were spilling out of the pink swimsuit she was wearing, her leg dangling in the water revealed the space between her legs where Katya could see the glistening beads of sweat. The back of her thigh pressed against the float, showing a slight amount of cellulite that she always complained about but that Katya very vocally adored. She was a goddess. Katya felt like the luckiest woman in the world, grateful that her parents had suggested they use the holiday home in Cancun for two weeks after Katya's exams.  
She pushed herself under the water and swam towards where Trixie was floating.  
They'd had a rough couple of months. A year. She didnt know anymore. It wasn't enough to really cause concern, but enough for Katya to notice that Trixie was a little less happy than usual in their home. She'd found her strumming some terribly sad tune that she'd been working on in the studio in her spare time the month before they'd come away. The lyrics, Katya had found two days later on the table and they almost broke her heart.  
_'I don't call you when I cry, and I don't stay the day in bed. Mostly I'm fine and most of the time I get by like I said.'_  
Katya half hoped it wasn't about her, although she sure as hell hoped it wasn't about anyone else. Especially when she got to the bit that clearly was going to become the chorus, when it was finished,  
_'when I see you, I know you all over again. Then I see you and I love you all over again.'_  
When Katya asked her about it, she had said simply that it was just a tune, laughed and told her not to read into it, but Katya couldn't help but notice that Trixie really only played sad tunes at the moment, even if she denied it. Trixie was such a joyful soul, that of course Katya noticed when something shifted.  
She peaked up over the water at Trixie, wiggling her eyebrows. Trixie pretended not to see her and took a sip of her cocktail. Katya swam closer. Trixie tried not to giggle. When Katya was close enough, Trixie kicked the leg that had been dangling in the water and splashed her girlfriend who screamed and launched toward Trixie.  
"MY BOOK!" She squealed, holding it above the water.  
"Better put it on the side, I'm coming for you Barbie!" Trixie swam over and put her book and her cocktail down and rounded on Katya, a mischevious look in her eye.  
"You've not called me Barbie in a while Kitty Kat." She was beaming.  
"Haven't I?" Katya thought about it, if she hadn't been calling her by her pet name, she hadn't noticed.  
"Nope." Trixie pushed off and swam toward her girlfriend, lacing her arms around her shoulders and her legs around her waist, the water taking all their weight. Katya felt good beneath her, safe, secure and incredibly sexy in her black two piece. Trixie breifly thought what a gorgeous couple they were before dipping her head down and placing a chaste kiss to her lovers lips. As she pulled away, she released her arms and let her body lie in the water, legs still around Katya's waist.  
"I thought you didn't want to get your hair wet!" Katya joked, placing her hands more securely under Trixie's ass.  
"I don't care anymore. I'm too happy to care."  
"Me too Barbie. Me too." They stayed that way for a while, Katya felt as if she was practically beaming light at the fact that Trixie had vocally expressed how happy she was. She ran her fingers up the edge of Trixie's bathing suit, Trixie mainting her position by gripping to Katya's waist slightly more firmly with her legs. Katya put her hands on Trixie's thighs, her fingers finding her clit quickly and eliciting a playful gasp from her.  
"Oh Katya..." she moaned. Katya removed her hand and delicately walked them to the side of the pool, lifting her up in her strong arms and placing her on the hot tiles. Trixie looked her softly as she peppered the inside of her thighs with small kisses. Trixie leant back on the side.

Her face was serene as Katya ran her tongue along her soft thighs, humming into her as she did so. She took the fat inside her thigh in her teeth, biting down hard.  
"OW! Katya!!" She exclaimed playfully. Katya winked at her before returning to place simple kisses on the spot. Trixie relaxed into the moment, humming gently to herself as Katya teased her incessantly.  
"Kayta... oh." Trixie was worked up. She thrust her hips towards Katya's face. Katya thought how beautiful she looked, as if the years had fallen off her and she was the sweet 19 year old she'd be 7 years ago.  
"Trixie." Katya purred, pushing herself up out of the water so her arms were braced on the side and she wad looking directly at Trixie, who sat forward, smiling.  
"Katya." Trixie said her name with such a certainty.  
"I love you."  
"Me too. So much." Trixie kissed her softly, lacing their tongues together and letting out a soft whimper.  
"I'm so glad we took this holiday." Katya beamed, dropping back into the water and pushing backwards, swimming on her back looking up at the sky.  
"Katya," Trixie called out, still sat on the side, a mischievous look in her eye.  
"Yes my love?" Katya smiled and Trixie giggled.  
"I think you're wearing too many clothes..." she was playful and aloof as she sat on the edge of the pool twirling her fingers in her hair.  
"I'M wearing too many clothes? Well we should do something about that huh?" Katya snickered and pulled at the string of her bikini top so that it floated away from her slightly as she swam backwards, still tied around her neck but resting on the water. She ducked down under the water and shrugged the top up over her head, coming up for air but keeping her breasts below the water. She winked at Trixie and swam away as Trixie dipped into the pool and swam leisurely toward her. She was laughing as she half walked, half swam towards Katya, who was swimming like a fish away from her. When Katya came up she had a wicked look in her eye. She swam toward Trixie, running her hands over her waist as Trixie placed her own on Katya's breasts. She looked lovingly into her eyes and sighed, Katya staring intensely at her.  
"What?" Trixie laughed as Katya squinted at her suspiciously.   
"Nothing. I just like you!" They both screamed with laughter, Katya burying her head into Trixie's neck when the laughter subsided, "I'm sorry we argued again on the way here. I feel like a right prick." Katya pulled away.   
"No, it was my fault. I'm sorry. You were right, I should've left my work at home, but..."  
"Let's not right now." Trixie smiled, dipping her head to kiss Katya gently on the lips, her hands floating down through the water to her hips where she swiftly pulled both strings of her bikini bottoms and pulled them away from her, Katya shrieking with laughter as she tried to jump up to grab them from her taller girlfriend.   
"Trixie."   
"Katya." Katya smiled playfully and thought this was the happiest she'd felt in months. She wondered if this would last when they got home. And then she banished the thought as the demons began to creep back in. Trixie was floating leisurely over to her.   
"Where did you go just then?" She was pulled back to reality.  
"Huh?" Katya smiled absently. "Oh, nowhere. Just happy. Why am I naked?" She laughed.   
"I can think of a million reasons why..."   
"But why are you not?" Trixie winked and pulled the halterneck over her neck, her breasts still covered.   
"Because you didn't ask." With one swift movement, she slipped out of her swimming costume and threw it onto the side of the pool, arms around Katya's waist in seconds, hands everywhere. They kissed passionately, thrashing through the water in the heat of the sun. Katya thought her heart might explode. Trixie felt the most contented she had in a long time. Pure bliss. Katya felt Trixie's hands reach lower and lower as she panted heavily, breathing and whispering the most outrageous things into Katya's ear. Her fingers brushed over Katya's neatly trimmed hair, dipping inside her momentarily before rubbing her thumb over her clit. Katya moaned a deep moan as Trixie began to wind her up, her body responding almost immediately. She had forgotten, and how that was even possible she didn't really know, but she had forgotten how much she adored being touched by Trixie. She felt as if this was the first time they were touching in years.   
"Oh Katya..." Trixie whispered into her ear, "you feel so good. I want to taste you. I want your clit in my mouth." Katya was so easily wound up by words that this had her shaking and moaning. She had completely lost the ability to speak, instead simply whining into Trixie's mouth as she carried her to the steps of the pool laid her on the hot stone tiles.   
"Trixie please." Trixie leant down on the steps, body in the water and head positioned perfectly in the crook of Katya's legs, working little kisses up and down her thighs, Katya's hips bucking wildly. "Oh Trixie, please please I need your tongue." This was all Trixie need, and all Katya could manage to get out before Trixie had dipped her tongue into Katya's wetness and began to fuck her hard with her fingers. Katya could feel the spring inside coiling tighter and tighter as Trixie fucked her, both of them moaning loudly without a care, in that the house was surrounded by nothing but ocean and beaches for miles around. Katya's head was thrown back, her hands grappling at one boob and supporting herself with the other, as Trixie dipped her tongue deep inside her, using her thumb to rub Katya's clit, occasionally switching their positions so as not to let Katya get to comfortable. Katya was wild with desire. She felt as if she couldn't contain herself, concerned that her tendency to let her clit become over stimulated would stop her cumming, something she not willing to let happen today or at all this holiday and so she managed to choke out a grown,  
"Trixie please. I need to... or I won't." Trixie knew Katya's body so well, like a road map, that she instantly ceased with playing with Katya's clit and moved her mouth to her breasts, fucking her hard as Katya bucked wildly, the change in position sending her wild. Trixie knew that she was close, probably before Katya knew, as she felt Katya clench around her fingers and throw her head forward, whining and throwing out the occasional 'Trixie' or 'fuck, god yes!' as though it were a mantra. Trixie bit down hard on Katya's nipple, sending her over the edge as Katya came hard and fast, riding her fingers through her orgasm and then the aftershocks. Her body slumped back as the overwhelming sensations crashed all around her.   
"Fuck." she exhaled. Trixie beamed and removed her fingers, washing them off in the water and climbing up the steps to join Katya on the side, where they nuzzled into each other in the beating sunshine.   
"Katya," Trixie started softly, "do you think, when you're finished your studies..." she trailed off, suddenly appearing shy.   
"Yes baby."   
"Do you think we could come back here, with some family and friends and maybe... maybe tie the knot?" Katya's eyes flew open.   
"Get married?" Katya looked quizzically at Trixie. "I thought you didn't want to?"   
"I think I do now..."  
"Okay."   
"Okay yes let's do it or okay something else?" Trixie giggled nervously.   
"Okay whatever you want my love."  
"Do you want to?"  
"You know how I feel about marriage... but I'll do whatever you want. Whatever will make you happiest." Katya smiled, though she couldn't quite mask the unnerved feeling in her stomach. Why oh why did Trixie have to bring this up now when they were getting along so well?  
"Hmm." Trixie hummed. They'd only talked about marriage once before, years ago, and both had been quite set that they weren't interested in buying into something patriarchal and based on money, and so Katya was quite taken about by this sudden change of heart.   
"Why do you want to get married?"   
"I want you to be my wife."   
"But we're basically that already. You just know that, well, I don't see why our signatures on a bit of paper would change that?" Katya sighed. "But yes, we can definitely do that if you want to."   
"No, you're right it was a silly idea."   
"Trixie I will do whatever makes you happy. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, we already own a house together, and when I'm done... babies..." Katya smiled.   
"Yeah, I just think it might be nice for us to be a proper family. For our children to know their parents are married, in it for the long haul you know?"   
"I know. But I'm in forever, regardless of whether you're wearing my ring and carrying my surname."  
"Oh I'm not changing my name!" Trixie screeched as Katya's eyes widened and a play grin surfaced. The tension dissolved as Katya got up and swung her legs over Trixie, her wetness rubbing against her stomach.   
"What do you mean? You don't want to be Beatrice Elizabeth Joanne Zamolodchikova? Don't you want my Russian influence on our children?" She leant down and nibbled her neck.   
"I don't want your influence on our children at all. Sounds like a terrible idea!" Trixie smirked and thought for a moment. "Zamolodchitell? How that's for a surname?" Katya laughed loudly, flailing her arms around and nuzzling into Trixie's neck.   
"God I love you. Of course I'll marry you. I want whatever you want."   
"Well... let's talk about it nearer the time then I guess." Trixie sighed and smiled up at her girlfriend.   
"I love you."  
"You too." There was a moment of tranquility. Then Trixie said, "will you take me upstairs and fuck me with the strapon please?"   
"Oh yes mama, absolutely. Come on." She got up immediately, grabbed Trixie by the wrist and pulled her up. "I mean it Trix, if you want to get married, we will." Katya smiled and Trixie turned around to pick up her swimsuit. When she turned back Katya was on her knees, holding out the ring Trixie had given her as a birthday present the year before that she never took off.   
"What are you doing you moron?"  
"Trixie, I have loved you with all my heart for 7 and a half years. Will do you me the honour of eventually, when I am a graduated architect, becoming my wife?" Trixie smiled, a sad smile half casting a shadow in her eyes, knowing that Katya really was only doing this to make her happy, or avoid another argument. It kind of made her sad, but she knew it was meant with good intention.   
"I will, you utter crazy person." Katya slipped the ring onto Trixie's finger, getting it stuck at her knuckle and switching it quickly onto her pinky instead. She stood up, smiled and kissed Trixie passionately.   
"Come on then Mrs Zamolodchitell. Let's go get you fucked." 


	6. August 2016

Trixie has been working non stop at the studio since 7am. It is now 7pm and she's not even close to being finished. And it's her birthday. Producing this track, for free, for some upcoming indie artist with no actual creative vision of their own was a big big big mistake. How she wished she was still working on Adore's album, even though that was still pretty much for minimum wage, at least she was getting something out of it. At least it made her feel fulfilled and made her smile. She had found herself working on her own music less and less as well, but that couldn't be helped. Working two jobs to support her and Katya was financially gratifying but emotionally soul destroying. She'd have to find a happy medium. She had promised Kat she would be home by no later than 7.30pm, so when the alarm on her phone went off to remind her that it was time to leave, she sat staring at her computer and mixing equipment, torn between wanting to go home and spend her birthday with her love, and not getting fired. Shangela, her boss, was an absolute dream, and usually pretty appreciative of when she stayed late and would send her packing if it got past 6.30pm, especially on a Friday. But today, Shangela had had to dip out early for some unknown reason and so there had been no one there to send her off. Shang had mentioned something about a friend's birthday dinner, which irked Trixie as she felt that she should have been allowed to leave early. At 7.03pm her phone rang. Shangela.   
"Are you still at the studio?" She sounded stern. Trixie gulped.

"Nooo..." she smiled a little. 

"I swear to god, I will remotely set off the alarms and tell the police you broke in if you don't leave right now." Trixie shriek-scream-laughed and pushed back on her spinny chair. 

"Okay, I'm going... god." She gathered her stuff, phone still on her shoulder, "what about this track then? What do we do? It's not finished." 

"It doesn't matter, it's your birthday. Go, see your wife-"

"Not my wife."

"Go see your not wife, have sex, drink champagne... whatever she has planned will be spectacular and you shouldn't be missing it child." Trixie smiled appreciatively as she turned off the computers, locked the doors and walked to the bus stop, Shangela nattering in her ear about the plan for tomorrow. 

"Do you know what Shangie," Trixie beamed, spotting a taxi and throwing her arm out in response to it, "I'm gonna treat myself tonight. I'm getting a taxi home. I'm a lush!" She laughed and hopped in. Shangela said in response, 

"How long til you're home?" Trixie frowned, wondering why Shangela was asking, but simply said, 

"About 15 minutes I guess." She buckled herself in and gave the driver her address. 

"Well, look at you. Home early. I should've kept you in the studio longer!" Shangela laughed.

"You're rotted. See you tomorrow you bitch." She hung up and let her head rest back, closing her eyes briefly. 

\-- 

"Hey Miss," someone was interupting her snoozing. "Miss." Fucking hell. She opened her eyes and looked around, she was home. God, she must've been tired. 

"Oh shit, sorry! Here," she fished out some money from her purse and pressed it into the drivers hand, before pulling her bags of stuff out of the car and swinging her battered old guitar over her shoulder. Her house looked quiet. She really hoped Katya wasn't stuck at the library. She really really wouldn't be able to cope. She walked up to the front door of their relatively newly bought house, purchased with some family money that Katya had inherited the year before from her grandpa, and fished for her keys, swearing and cursing herself for not putting them on the hook Katya had bought her for this exact reason all but a month ago. She pushed open the door and looked around, all the hall lights were off which was strange, but there was music coming from what sounded like the back yard. She dumped her bags at the door, kicked off her shoes and let her hair down from it's ponytail that she always kept it in when she was working. 

"Kaaaat?" She called out. Where was she? She pushed open the living room door, no sign of her girlfriend there, and wandered through to the kitchen, which was also dark. Confusedly, she pulled out her phone and dialled Katya's number. She could hear it vibrating somewhere, and followed the sound, finding it on the kitchen table next to a note. 

 **_No phones allowed._ **  
**_No work._**  
**_No internet._**  
**_Leave all technological devices on the table._**  
**_I'M MOTHERFUCKING SERIOUS TRIXIE._**

**_ps. - bring a jumper, it might get cold later, and walk to the end of the garden, through the gate and into that little wooded bit at the back._ **

**_pps - i haven't gone mad, i'm not going to hack you to death like jason or jeffrey._ **

**_ppps - happy birthday. i love you._ **

Trixie smiled down at her girlfriend's messily written note, put her phone down, grabbed the jumper from the back of the chair that Katya had probably left there on purpose and swapped her heels for trainers. She wondered what Katya, who was always essentially much better at surprises and parties than she was, had planned for her this year. They'd had a gigantic argument last week that had left them not speaking to each other for four whole days. The longest time ever. 

Katya had gotten in from yet another night wit her friends, seemingly she only had time to study and party with Ginger and Violet and Fame and Sharon, and the worst of all, Alaska. Trixie had been sat at home, in her pj's on the sofa, not watching some terrible film when Katya had tried to sneak into the house, arms laden with her books from uni, smelling of cigarettes and alcohol. Trixie initially asked if she'd been drinking. When she ascertained that she had not, she turned to Katya and looked her square in the face and said,

"You are always busy. Why don't you spend time with me when you're not at uni?"

"Come on Trix, it's one night. I just wanted to see the girls."

"You never include me. For fuck sake. You NEVER include me with you friends and I feel left out of your life... it's like we spend so much time with my friends, but then when it comes to your friends you don't want me to be a part of that part of it." 

"Trixie, you are being ridiculous." 

"FUCK OFF. Don't tell me I am being ridiculous. I am allowed to feel what I want to fucking feel Kat. Twice this week you've been out with Ginger and the girls and Alaska," she practically spat out Alaska's name, "and then every other night this week you've been studying. It's a joke." She screamed for another 10 minutes and then stopped for breath at which point she shot a pointed look at Katya who rolled her eyes and said, 

"Don't be dramatic Trixie. You're acting like a petulant child."

"FUCK OFF KATYA! DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

"ME? Have you heard yourself? YOU'RE BEING AN ABSOLUTE DICK. I am allowed to spend my free time with my friends. I am. I can also spend the rest of my time studying. It's you that I come home to at the end of the night isn't it? It is ridiculous to say that you don't want me to spend time with the girls... what are you? My jailer? UGH!" She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation and stormed to the back door, lighting a cigarette before she was even through the door. 

"DON'T SMOKE IN THE HOUSE YOU CRETIN!" 

"Oh fuck off Trixie." 

"I don't think it's fair that's all. You spend more time with Alaska that you do with me. That's fucking ridiculous Kat. What is it? Is she trying to steal you back? Eh? HOW DO I KNOW SHE'S NOT TRYING TO GET BACK WITH YOU RIGHT UNDER MY FUCKING NOSE? How do I-"

"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO NEARLY FUCKING CHEATED IN OUR FIRST YEAR OF BEING TOGETHER AM I? SO TAKE YOUR FUCKING JEALOUSY AND SHOVE UP YOUR PRISTINE FUCKING ARSEHOLE. I AM DONE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT."

"You're done?" Trixie stood for a moment, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Yes. I'm done." Katya turned her back and stormed out in their garden as Trixie watched. She then grabbed her phone, her jumper and her trainers and left and didn't come back until the early hours, when Katya was fast asleep on the sofa. She had gone right past her, to their bedroom, and shut the door, and when she had got up the next morning she hadn't woken Katya from her slumber on the sofa but instead written a note to say she had gone to the studio, so at least Katya wouldn't think she was dead. 

Katya had then spent the rest of the day fuming, growling to herself in the library as she studied the mathematics of something or other, she hardly took in any information and then she came home late, after midnight, and went straight to sleep, lying awkwardly next to Trixie or on the sofa by herself, tears tracing tracks through her makeup. This continued for four days until one day, she was sat on the sofa watching Gray's Anatomy with a spliff at about 5am when Trixie came out of their room and sat down next to her without saying a word. They sat next to each other in silence for a while, before Katya offered out the spliff to Trixie, who simply burst into tears next to her girlfriend and cried and cried and cried. Katya caved, putting her arms around her younger girlfriend and kissing her on the temples. Then they fucked. Of course. They fucked slowly, passionately, tears mingling with desire, turning to lust and love. When they woke up the next morning on the rug in front of the sofa, Trixie called in sick to the studio and Katya studied from home, spending the day in their pants, not really talking about what had happened for fear of sparking the argument once more, but simply being in each others company enough to waylay fears about their relationship once more. 

She was glad they had put it all behind them. Well, she was glad Katya wasn't holding it against her at any rate. 

Trixie pulled open the back doors and wandered down the path in the slowly setting sunshine, she could hear music and the birds, and there was definitely the distinct smell of burning wood coming from the woods. As she pushed open their back gate she saw a bonfire in the clearing just beyond the edge of the woods, and chairs and candles and a bbq. Her mouth dropped open as she looked around at the magical wonderful. There were fairy lights strung up all around, and her friends were all sat on the far side of the fire, holding up banners that said 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRIXIE' on them. Trixie looked around for Katya but she couldn't see her anywhere. Then, from behind her, she felt Katya's strong sturdy hands over her eyes as she whispered,

"Happy Birthday baby." Trixie whipped around kissed Katya squarely on the lips, all her friends cheering as the embraced. They wandered over to their group of friends, who were all giggling, smoking and singing, arms laiden with presents, food and drinks, everyone was there. Shea and Sasha were sat on one side of the fire, passing a joint between the two of them and kissing each other intermittently, whilst Pearl sat staring into the fire in a dazed dream. And on the other side, Shangela was chatting to Ginger and Fame and a few of Katya's friends from uni, as well as some of the interns from the studio and a group of Trixie's friends from the restaurant. There was quite a group of them bundled together, and Trixie was absolutely beaming. 

Trixie stood amongst her friends as each of them came to wish her a happy birthday, whilst Katya busied herself making her a drink. Kim sauntered up to her and put her arms around her, gifting her a small box and making her promise she wouldn't open it til later on. 

"Thank you," Trixie hugged her friend. "Did you know about all this?" She waved her hand around at the fire and the group of people. 

"Nope. I mean, we were all told to book your birthday off but... otherwise... nope." 

"How did she..." Trixie was pretty dumbstruck. 

"I think Fame and Ginger, and Alaska had quite a hand in it to be honest. Fame said they've been organising things for weeks!" 

"God I'm such an asshole." Katya was stood by the entrance to their garden whispering covertly with Fame. 

"Because of the argument about..." 

"Yeah."

"Yeah I think there was a moment when she nearly called the whole thing off." Trixie sighed. 

"I really don't deserve her." 

"No, you dont." She cackled as Fame came over with Violet, who had just arrived, and placed a drink in Trixie's hand. 

"Happy Birthday my lovely girl." She embraced her and kissed her on the cheek softly. "I hope you have a beautiful night." Trixie beamed at Fame and greeted Violet who handed her a bag with a designer lingerie brand on the front of it. 

"From Paris. Happy Birthday darling." She sauntered off and Trixie was stood by herself for a moment, looking into the fire and wishing she had Katya by her side. She looked around and noticed more faces, next to Kim, Shea and Sasha were Tempest and Kasha, a married couple from Shea's building. She spotted Aja, Farrah, Naomi and Jasmine stood by the drinks table making cocktails and squealing with laughter. Trixie worked with them as a hostess at the fancy restaurant in town. Jasmine was their boss, and the other three were all aspiring models who needed extra money to fund their shoots. They were staring ar Violet, who was relatively well known in modelling circles, probably debating whether they should go over and chat. Near the bbq, stood with Shangela and Ginger were Detox and Roxxxy from Katya's old party days, which could only mean Alaska was around somewhere. And then there was Fame, clucking around somewhere, helping Katya and that was everyone. She turned to look for Katya, who at that moment was returning with trays of food, dropping them by the bbq and asking Ginger and Shangela to get some more food cooking. She looked as if she were just about to run back to the house when she noticed Trixie stood by herself and came bustling over. 

"You ok?" She reached up and kissed her. 

"I don't deserve all this."

"Yes you do." 

"After what I said to you on Monday... I," Trixie could feel herself getting emotional. 

"Trixie. I love you. It's your birthday. I wanted you to have a really special night. I'm sorry I had to make you upset in order to keep it all a secret... do you forgive me?" 

"You are too good to me Kit." She placed a kiss on her lips and felt herself melt into Katya's embrace as the gate opened and a familiar greeting sounded out, 

"Hiiiiieeeeee." Alaska. Ugh. Okay, Trixie needed to get over this hatred. She turned around, arms still around Katya and waved. 

Alaska put what she was carrying down and practically ran over to Trixie, throwing her arms around her. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD FAG!" Alaska seemed so at ease, it made Trixie slightly less anxious. "Katya, I brought the-" 

"Oh my god." Katya let go of Trixie, grabbed Alaska's arm and they zipped back toward the house, leaving Trixie stood trying to combat her sense of discomfort. She didn't dislike Alaska, she just couldn't shake the idea that, well, Alaska had been there first. 

"Penny for 'em?" Sasha put her hand on Trixie's arm and smiled, her shaved head shining in the fire, her bright red lips smiling broadly. 

"Oh nothing, just thinking how lucky I am! HA!" Trixie smiled. "How are you?" 

"Me? Fantastic. Shea just asked me to be her girlfriend!" Trixie screamed and hugged Sasha tightly, 

"YES! I'm so happy! It's about time... oh yay!" Trixie smiled. 

"Thanks, yeah I mean... 6 months "seeing eachother" was long enough!" Sasha chuckled, kissing her friend on the cheek and doing a little victory dance with her. As she jumped around, Shea smiled over at them, laughing quietly to herself, as Katya let herself back in, holding a bright pink cake covered in candels. Her friends burst into a chorus of Happy Birthday and all gathered around as she blew out the candels. 

"Happy Birthday!" Katya kissed her, handing the cake to Alaska, embracing her before going to leave, yet another task in her mind.

"Can you not run away straight off please miss?" Trixie laughed and took hold of Katya's hand. 

"I... um... Just one more thing and then I can relax!" Katya hopped from foot to foot, looking over her shoulder to the box that Alaska had left there. "Please!" Katya giggled, wiggling Trixie's hips in her hands, "it's a present!" Trixie's face lit up and she laughed, sending Katya away, who went running over to the box, picking it up and bringing it back to her. She pushed it into her hands and stepped back, beaming.

"Am I opening this here?" Trixie giggled at the excitement on Katya's face. 

"Yes." Trixie sat down on the log, all her friends had turned their attention back to her, and were watching her. Trixie loved being the centre of attention, although suddenly she felt nervous. She slowly opened the box, and as enormous as it was, she was surprised to find a guitar case within it. 

"Oh my god..." her eyes widened as she pulled the guitar case out and, looking at Katya, ran her hands over it. "Fender." She looked wide eyed at the case, clicking it open and squealing. "Oh my god, Katya!! This is beautiful." Within the guitar case, there was a beautiful pink and white Fender guitar, engraved with a beautiful design. Trixie was in awe. She looked up at Katya, baffled. 

"How did you?" Katya shrugged. Of course she'd splurged all the money that she'd saved by walking everywhere for a month and not eating out or buying coffee or going to the movies with her friend Craig on a guitar that Trixie had mentioned in passing wanting months ago. "You are honestly, the best girlfriend ever." Trixie put the guitar down and picked her lady up, swinging her round and kissing her passionately. "I don't know what to say. Thank you." 

"I love you," Katya beamed into her neck. 

"I love you too." Trixie smiled.

The rest of the evening was spent with Trixie playing songs to the group, and them all steadily getting drunker as time passed, before, soon, they were all lying by the dying fire, singing a song none of them really knew the words to, and passing a spliff, or several, between them all. People started to peel off once it got to 1am and the temperature had begun to drop. First to go was Ginger, who had work the next day, closely followed by Fame, Violet and the group of students from Katya's course who had another party to go to. Then, Kim, who was teaching, Shangela who needed to get up to finish the edit on the song in the morning, Roxxxy and Detox who wanted to go to some extravagent party downtown. Finally, it was just Shea, Sasha, Alaska, Trixie and Katya left. Katya was laid on the ground, Trixie next to her stroking her neck lightly, occasionally whispering things to her in a stoned hazy state. Sasha was sat in between Shea's legs, stroking her stubbly legs whilst she rested her head on Shea's chest. Then there was Alaska, lying on her front, chain smoking a blunt and chatting insesantly. Trixie thought to herself that she really wasn't that bad, a little annoying, but quite sweet really. 

"Kat," Trixie whispered, "can we go to bed?" Katya shifted, pleased with herself that she had already cleared up most of the party and moved the presents inside, and said 

"Sure. Shall I ask the girls if they want to stay?" 

"Go for it." 

"Girls, we're gonna head in but, you're more than welcome to stay if you want?" Katya said to her friends sweetly. Sasha and Shea exchanged a look and Shea said, 

"I think we'll grab a cab home, but thanks lovely ladies. Thanks for a good party!" 

"Kaaaat I might stay?" Alaska laughed to herself, too stoned to care. Trixie felt herself stiffen, but then reminded herself that it was in fact her lying there with Katya and not Alaska.

"That ok?" Katya whispered so subtly into Trixie's hair, and she nodded. They set Alaska up in the spare room and Katya and Trixie tucked themselves into their own bed, hugging each other tightly, kissing and holding one another. 

"I love you Yekaterina." 

"I love you Beatrix." Trixie smiled into the kiss that Katya currently had her in. "I'm sorry you were upset about me spending time with Alaska, are you ok that she's here?" 

"Yeah, I mean she was so lovely tonight and she helped so much, I think I was just... feeling threatened." 

"Threatened?" 

"Yeah, I mean, she was with you first..." Trixie rolled her eyes at herself.

"Trixie. If I can tell you one thing, it is that I love you unconditionally. No one else. You are my one and only." 

"So I don't need to worry?" 

"Don't be ridiculous." 

"I hate that word." Trixie laughed. 

"If you had anything to worry about, do you think I'd have gone to all that trouble tonight?" 

"No. Sorry. I think I'm going crazy Kat. I know I don't need to worry, but..." 

"Okay enough, I can't do this now. Please, lets either fuck or go to sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow baby." Katya nuzzled into Trixie's neck, falling asleep almost instantly, whereas Trixie lay there staring up at the ceiling for hours, hearing Alaska's every move and knowing she was being 'ridiculous' as Katya had called her. She felt ridiculous, but she couldn't help herself. It was a feeling of nervousness that she couldn't shift, and she didn't know why, but it was enough to cause her worry. 


	7. February 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anti valentines day and some smut for your pleasure. 
> 
> Sorry for the radio silence, I've had a bit of a tricky couple weeks but hopefully I'm back now!!!
> 
> This is a fun thing that me and my friends did last year, I strongly encourage anti-valentines day parties.

Katya and Pearl sat at the bar where they were meeting the rest of the girls on the Saturday of the Valentines day weekend. Katya was sipping on a cola, whilst Trixie and Pearl shared a bottle of wine. There were people everywhere, couples all around them, and they didn't like to admit it, but they felt slightly superior in their 'anti-valentines day' stupor. Katya had invited Ginger, Fame and Violet to join them, but Violet was the only one who didn't have plans, and Trixie had invited Shea, Kim and Shea's new squeeze Sasha along. They'd been rather pleased that most of the girls had wanted to join them on their 'Valentines day is a bunch of commercialized crap' crusade and they'd book a giant table at their favourite bar to celebrate.

"Kat!" Pearl hissed gently as Katya gazed lovingly in the direction of her girlfriend who was returning from the bathroom.

"Huh? Yeah?"

"You're gawping."

"Sorry," Katya flushed and then looked back at Trixie who was settling herself onto the high stool, "but wouldn't you if she was yours?" Katya winked at Trixie who was looking back at that confusedly.

"What are you talking about?" She smiled sweetly. Pearl rolled her eyes as Katya leaned past her and said,

"How hot you are."

"Shut up Katya." Pearl and Trixie both said in unison, making Katya laugh and flail her limbs uncontrollably. Katya continued to sip her cola, looking mightily pleased with herself as the other two shook their heads. Katya was wearing a long black dress, with fishnet tights that she was absentmindedly pulling at whilst the other two girls discussed a new makeup palette or something that Pearl had seen the week before. Trixie was in a pink faux leather dress with big pink heels on, her hair perfectly coiffed and her makeup on point. Katya sometimes wondered how the two of them had ended up together, thinking back to when they'd met and how little and how much they had both changed since then. 6 years, and Trixie was still as pink and Katya still as grungy as ever. Katya's mulling was interrupted by Trixie shrieking as she spotted her two friends enter the bar, sliding off the stool and rushing over to Shea and Kim.

"HI!" Trixie threw her arms around them and kissed them both firmly on the lips as she was want to do with her nearest and dearest. Kim batted her away, whilst Shea hugged her tightly with one arm, the other hand clasping onto a tall, pale blue eye red head with dark eye brows and a soft face.

"OH MY GOD. You must be Sasha!" Trixie practically pushed Shea off her and grabbed Sasha's hands. "It's so so so good to meet you!" Trixie smiled. Sasha was shy, well, she was quiet, and looked at Shea with slight bewilderment as the other two bumbled over to the join them.

"Hi guys, meet Sasha. Sasha this is Katya, Trixie's poor unfortunate other half, and Pearl, their poor unfortunate friend." Shea chuckled to herself. "Have you guys got a table?"

"Yeah," Katya beamed, shaking Sasha's hand and hugging Kim simultaneously, "it's under my name. We've not gone over yet though."

"Under Katya?" Shea asked.

"No."

"Oh you ass, you didn't put it under Zamalo..." Shea shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"Course I did, I love to see you guys struggle!"

"You're rotted!" Kim laughed and pushed past them to go and speak to the host, muttering various incarnations of Katya's surname under her breath in an attempt to get it right.

"What's wrong with your surname?" Sasha looked at Katya quizzically.

"It's Russian. And none of these bitches have bothered to learn it in the 6 years they've known me." Katya squealed with laughter as Trixie took her hand and said,

"I can say it. Zam-o-lod-chi-ko-va." She beamed like a small child, butchering her partners name in one fell swoop.

"Close enough baby," Katya kissed her cheek and winked at Sasha. Shea, who was stood holding Sasha's hand responded quickly, looking at Sasha proudly.

"Go on!" Shea smirked.

"Zamolodchikova." It rolled off Sasha's tongue perfectly, every intonation strong and precisely placed.

"Fuck off." Katya and Trixie said together, before laughing and kissing briefly.

"Are you Russian?" Katya asked excitedly.

"My parents are, 2nd generation." She smiled back.

"She's coming for your gig baby!" Trixie nudged Katya teasingly.

"Oh my god no, this is fabulous. Can you speak any?"

"A bit..." Katya squealed and grabbed her by the arm and could be heard saying,

"We can talk about them and they'll never know. I mean I can hardly speak any, but still!" She was a bundle of excited energy, leaving Shea and Trixie looking at their respective dates in bewilderment.

"You've unleashed a demon." Trixie told Shea plainly.

"She's your demon, not mine." They laughed and joined their friends at the booth that Katya had booked on the main floor of the bar. The bar was covered in pink decoration everywhere Katya looked, and it made her feel slightly claustrophobic, however as Trixie meandered over to their table, dressed head to toe in pink, she looked really quite lovely, like some sort of mirage emerging from a dream and it gave Katya a warm glow to think that this was her partner. Trixie slid into the booth next to Katya, perching on the end, crossing her legs and resting her hand on Trixie's thigh.

"You okay?" She crinkled her nose at Katya and rubbed her thigh a little.

"I love you."

"I love you too old." She giggled and rested her head on Katya's shoulder, looking up at her through thick eyelashes.

 "Do you realise, that every time you call me old, it reaffirms the fact that you picked the poorest sugar mamma on the planet to be your girlfriend?" Katya laughed to herself as Trixie nudged her and rolled her eyes.

"I do, but I'm not with your for your looks mamma, I'm with you for your charm, wit and-"

"Smokers breath?" Katya beamed down at her, lightly pinching her ass and biting her lip.

"Yes. It's my favourite thing about your rotted corpse." Trixie deadpanned back. She slipped her arms around Katya's tiny waist, looking around the table at her friends. They were still waiting on a few of the girls, but it made Trixie glow to see Shea looking at Sasha with so much happiness in her eyes. Shea had not introduced them to a girlfriend for years, so it was nice to see her comfortable and at ease with this beautiful alternative-Russian. Kim was staring intently at the bartender, who was just her type, tall and muscled but kind of awkward.

"Alright there Kimberly?" Trixie waved her hand vaguely in front of Kim's face, who jumped back to conciousness.

"Yes."

"See something you like?"

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

The table erupted into laughter and Kim blushed as Katya strained past Trixie to see what had gotten Kim's attention.

"Ohhhh yeah, he's hot! Go for it Miss Kim." Kim blushed again, and shook her head to herself. Shea squeezed her arm and said,

"Kim. If he is working on Valentines it probably means he doesn't have a girlfriend. It also probably means he's not that bothered about this over commercialized holiday either. You should just have a flirt, see what happens!" Kim rolled her eyes and Katya squidged Trixie's waist. 

"I'll go with you if you like?" Trixie offered. Shea and Katya and Kim all turned to her and in unison said,

"No." Trixie's jaw fell open and her eyes grew wide.

"WHY NOT!" She exclaimed, whilst Sasha frowned, looking between them all, bemused.

"Trixie," Shea leaned forward conspiratorially, "every time you talk to a bloke, he falls in love with you. Instantly. That is not going to help Kim at all. You are every straight mans lesbian fantasy. So no, you stay."

"You stay," Kim warned. Trixie looked at Katya, a semi smug smile on her face.

"It's true and you know it, you love to flirt, and I mean, don't get me wrong, I love that all those men wanna fuck but it's me who gets to jump your bones, but on this occasion, I have to side with Shea and Kim. Sorry baby." Trixie tried to mask her grin and looked at Kim,

"Sorry pal. I'll stay then. Katya can go with you, no human in their right mind would flirt with her with those tiny hands hanging off her ears and that sense of humour bottoming out every two minutes." It was Katya's turn to look at her incredulously at her life partner.  She screeched in response and the table fell about laughing as Katya said,

"I am not a bottom and you know it." As they regained themselves, Violet arrived, looking ravishing in a purple dress and berry. 

"Wow Miss Chacki. How is it that you don't have a date for tonight?" Katya hugged her and kissed her lightly on the cheek,

"I don't believe in relationships. You know that. I believe in sex."

"Ah that'll change when you meet the right woman, slut." Katya smiled shyly at Trixie and winked softly.

"Gross. What are we drinking? I'll go to the bar." Violet smiled and Kim's shoulder sagged.

"Okay. But you aren't allowed to flirt with the bartender." Shea shot her a warning look. Shea and Violet had been good friends for the last couple of years, getting to know each other better the longer Trixie and Katya had been together. They had a competitive relationship, both being strong personalities and very opinionated at that.

"Why not? Who's this?" The two questions came in quick succession. Shea rolled her eyes,

"This is Sasha. She is my date for this evening. And because Kim fancies him. So don't be an asshole, asshole." Violet narrowed her eyes and responded quickly with,

"I thought we weren't doing Valentines day and yet I'm with two couples and Kim's got her eye on the bartender."

"Just go to the bar Chachki." Shea raised one eyebrow, staring Violet down. No one spoke for a moment and then Violet broke and smiled at Shea, before reaching down to hug Sasha and say,

"Hi. You're beautiful. I'm Violet. Lovely to meet you." Sasha looked from Violet to Shea, who was beaming at her and she shook her head, laughing.

"Hi Violet. Lovely to meet you... you lot are so confusing!" She looked around the group and they all laughed.

"Wait til you meet the rest of them," Katya leaned over, "we're the sane ones!"

"Not strictly true is it Katya?" Violet smirked and beckoned Kim over and they disappeared to the bar to get drinks for the table.

"She's an asshole." Katya muttered and Trixie stroked her leg gently.

"She's joking." Katya scrunched up her face and scowled.

"She's still an asshole." They table laughed and Shea leaned over to place a kiss on Sasha's cheek as Trixie took Katya's face in her hands and kissed her hard on the mouth.

"I love you."

"Me too." The two couples took a moment to stay in their respective pairings, enjoying the company of the women they were celebrating with before pulling attention back to the table and smiling across at each other.

"So, Shea, Sasha. Tell us..." Trixie put her head on her hands and smiled, slightly manically.

"About what?"

"About how you met! How it's going! Have you fucked yet? Tell us everything!" Sasha chuckled lowly, looked to Katya and said,

"она всегда такая прямая?" Katya laughed back and her eyes flew up to the ceiling for a moment whilst she recalled her Russian vocab. She responded with,

"если вы считаете, что это прямо, вы должны увидеть ее в постели!" They both laughed and Trixie frowned at Katya, pouting.

"What did you say?"

"That you're very direct!" Sasha responded before Katya had a chance to wind Trixie up, "but that's okay! Shea and I met at the gallery where I work. She spent three days in a row staring at the same painting, and eventually I had to ask why! And then we got talking and she asked me for a coffee, and so I said yes, and that was two weeks ago, and so now here I am. It's going well, I'm very enamored with your friend so no need to get protective, and no. Not yet... but I'd quite like that to change."

"And you said she was direct!" Katya laughed, squeezing Trixie's thigh. Shea was blushing slightly, looking at Sasha with a glow in her eyes. Violet and Kim returned and settled themselves in the booth with 2 bottles of prosecco and 6 glasses. The divided the first bottle between them all and Katya gave a slightly hard to follow but well meaning toast about love and how happy she was that they were all there together and that none of them had gone through any wormholes yet. Shea shook her head and winked at her as Violet said,

"You're mental Zamo." She laughed and Katya shifted in her seat, casting her eyes downward and breathing slowly. She stood up and said she was going for a cigarette.

"Stop that," Trixie whispered into Violet's ear ever so subtly as Katya shifted out of the booth uncomfortably and went with her new Russian friend to smoke.

"Why? It's true." Violet shrugged, ever unsympathetic and unaware.

"She's feeling a little, um, on edge at the minute. Her work load is beginning to pile up at uni, and she's a bit anxious. So stop, with the criticizing her mental health thing yeh?"

"God, no need to be sensitive Trix!" Violet retorted, half joking, half defensive.

"Please Vi, you're one of her best friends, you know how it can be!" Trixie willed Violet to understand that Katya was battling with some demons this week, that just this morning at sunrise, she had sat on the window ledge of their apartment, smoking and looking down at the ground, tears falling from her cheeks silently, having spent the entire night rewriting a paper that she had failed the first time round. When Trixie had woken up, she had asked what Katya was doing, and Katya had not responded, she had merely stared down at the ground until Trixie came over and asked quietly if she could touch her, when she nodded silently, Trixie had then she had pulled her back through the window, trying not to scrape her legs on the window ledge whilst doing so. She had picked her up, and placed her down on the bed, curling her body round Katya's to try to protect her from the demons that Trixie couldn't see or hear, but could feel emanating from her partner. When Katya had eventually calmed down, she had turned round to face Trixie, she had said, ' _I feel so overwhelmed. I can't do this Trix. I'm not smart enough. I'm going to fail and I'll have fucked it up for us.'_ Trixie stroked her hair and shushed her, telling her that she was good and strong and kind and beautiful and that she would be okay. Katya had always battled with anxiety, and so had Trixie to be honest, but Katya had admitted to Trixie very early on in their relationship that she really had to focus not let it overtake her when it got bad. There had been a few times in the early days when Katya had completely slipped off the radar and it had taken turning up at her then workplace or apartment, or tracking down Ginger or Fame or Violet to find out what was going on. Usually, Katya was found either in the gym, or huddled up in bed watching reruns of some stupid film, or trying and failing to meditate, but there had been some slightly more difficult times as well that Trixie didn't like to think about, especially not on Valentines day surrounded by friends.

Violet looked at Trixie intensely and sighed, admitting defeat of her sassy attitude and whispered quietly,

"That bad huh?" Trixie nodded.

"That bad."

"Why?"

"Her workload is a lot, I'm out working all the time so she has no one to talk to when she's at home, studying. But I can't not work, she has too much work to do to get a job, and we need the money, and I feel like she's on the edge of... well... you know." Violet nodded.

"She seems fine to me! She seems normal!"

"Violet. You know as well as I do, when Katya seems 'normal' we all need to be worried!" Violet laughed and they quickly squashed the conversation as Katya and Sasha returned the table, smiling and nattering away slowly in Russian.

"Hey baby," Trixie smiled as Katya sat down on her lap and picked up her elderflower sparkling cordial. "You ok?"

"I'm fine, don't worry." She returned the smile, although it seemed a little hollow if Trixie was honest with herself. She decided to put a pin in it and come back to that later, not wanting to put pressure on Katya today. She ran her hand up and down Katya's thigh, enjoying the fact that they were tucked away in the corner of the booth, with Violet on one side, and Sasha and Shea on the other. She liked the fishnets. Fishnets were her favourite on Katya, and she hoped that Katya was enjoying her plucking at them, higher and higher up her thigh the drunker she got. She looked around the table, sliding her hand even higher, trying to remain inconspicuous, and noticed that Shea and Sasha and Violet were involved in what looked like an intense conversation and Kim had disappeared. When Trixie strained to see where she'd gone, she saw her standing at the bar, twirling her fingers in her hair and smiling at the very good looking bartender. He was tall, incredibly good look with big lips, dark eyes and perfect skin. Just Kim's type. Trixie smiled to herself and slipped Katya off her lap so she was sat next to her rather than on top of her. She leaned over and bit Katya's ear and whispered,

"I really wanna fuck you."

"Well, we can go home soon."

"No," Trixie's eyes glinted mischievously, "I want you here."

"You can't fuck me here Trixie." Katya smiled and winked.

"Do you have panties on?" Her voice was low, and gravelly, which was unlike Trixie and Katya could practically feel the desire radiating off her. She blushed slightly and shook her head ever so slightly, looking away, again to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Katya hooked her leg over Trixie's, opening her legs and reaching for her phone. They both leaned forward, so that Trixie's arm wasn't so visibly geared toward Katya and joined in with the conversation happening and Trixie's hands found the point where Katya's tights met between her thighs. She felt Katya's breath hitch as she tore a slightly larger hole in the tights and slipped her fingers inside. Katya was focusing so hard on what Violet was saying in order so as not to lose control. She felt partly bad for letting Trixie get away with this at the table, but her primal desires were well outweighing her logical brain. She thrust her hips forward ever so slightly, looking for more contact from Trixie, who was tantalisingly playing with Katya's dripping clit. She felt Trixie slide her middle finger deeper inside her and placed her own hand on Trixie's thigh, gripping it hard, channeling the moans she wanted to release into her hand instead. She tried to still her hips, feeling them subconsciously begin to grind and nodded as Violet came to the end of her point. It was getting late. Was it too early for them to leave? 10pm. They could go surely? She wanted to jump Trixie there are then, lie her down on the banquet and sit on her face or slip her fingers inside her whilst eating her ass out. As she began to let her mind wander, she felt Trixie withdraw her fingers and exhaled sharply, throwing a look at Trixie who raised her eyebrows warningly and smiled. Kim was returning, a napkin in hand, a drink in the other, a grin on her face.

"I got his number!" Kim was beaming. "His name is Davis. He's so cute!" She beamed. "He's gonna take me out next week!" The team cheered and whooped. Katya, halfheartedly high-fiving her friend, wishing her girlfriend still had her fingers inside her. They all babbled away for a while, asking Kim how she managed it, congratulating their friend and laughing. They asked Violet how her modelling was going, asked Sasha about her art and Shea about her fashion, they asked Trixie about her music and then they asked Katya about uni. She tensed up and Trixie took her hand silently under the table.

"Fine. Stressful," she laughed, brushing the subject away, "and boring!" Violet quickly jumped in with a change of topic and Katya furrowed her brow, looking intently at her friend, never having known her to be so perceptive as to change the subject when she was feeling uncomfortable. She glanced at Trixie, who was looking ever so sheepish and Katya briefly wondered if Trixie had spoken to her, but then she thought again and forced her brain to rejoin the conversation.

After another two hours of the rest of the table drinking, Katya began to yawn and looked at Trixie, silently willing her to let them go home. As if Shea could read her mind, she kissed Sasha deeply across the table and turned to her friends saying,

"Well ladies, it's been lovely. But it's midnight, which means Valentines day is over, and I have a beautiful Russian to get home and fuck!" They all laughed and Trixie banged her hands tipsily on the table and said,

"ME TOO!" More laughter, goodbyes and hugs and they were all on their way home all of a sudden. Katya had called them an Uber and they were sat in the back of the taxi, Trixie's hands wandering up and down Katya's thighs. Katya was getting wet again, but she felt she needed to speak to Trixie about the Violet thing.

"Did you tell Violet that I'm, I'm struggling?" Katya asked her quietly.

"She was being a dick, about you being mental. So I told her to stop. And that you had a lot on at the minute." Trixie looked up at her. "I'm sorry."

"Oh Trix, I wish you hadn't. It makes me so uncomfortable."

"But it's Violet. She's seen you-"

"-at my worst. I know. That almost makes things worse. I don't like her knowing I'm struggling, it makes me feel like a failure."

"God baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep the mark, I thought, coz she's your best friend..."

"You're my best friend." Katya smiled and kissed her girlfriend, who tried and failed to suppress a tipsy moan. 

"I want to fuck you." She whispered.

"You can, when we get home!" Katya winked. The Uber ride was about half an hour through town at this time, and she couldn't wait to get Trixie home and fuck her senseless.

"No now." Trixie pouted pulled Katya's legs apart once more, turning to kiss her neck and slipping her hand up inside her skirt. Katya was horribly aware of their Uber driver, but also too turned on to care. She could hear how wet she was as Trixie dragged her fingers up through her lips, pulling her hands out to take her fingers in her mouth and looking at her with flirty eyes. She let her head loll back as Trixie returned her hand and started to slowly fuck in and out of her with her fingers, humming contentedly as she did. Katya's hips had begun to grind, against her will, and she was having to concentrate a lot to make sure that she didn't moan out load. When she opened her eyes, Trixie was looking at her lovingly and she willed the taxi to go faster. She wanted to be home, she wanted to bend Trixie over and fuck her hard, make her scream and moan.

 

Half an hour later, the taxi pulled up outside their home, and they practically fell out of the taxi, racing up the stairs to the bedroom and pulling their clothes off before the door was even off. Trixie kneeled on the bed, naked, eyes full of desire, as Katya put her head down between her legs and ran her tongue up through her wetness. Katya would usually tease Trixie for hours, however tonight she wanted her so badly she couldn't bare to make her wait. She lay down on the bed quickly, and pulled Trixie so that her legs were either side of Katya's face. Trixie, still slightly tipsy, dropped her face down onto Katya's tongue quickly, and Katya's hands quickly found her ass cheeks, pulling and massaging them with a fervor. She pulled her ass cheeks apart and drew some of Trixie's wetness up to her asshole, quickly moving her head to say,

"Can I?" as she pushed a finger against Trixie's hole slightly. Trixie responded with a guttural moan and nodded. Trixie pushed her ass down onto Katya's finger and moaned loudly, grinding on her finger and her tongue simultaneously. She could feel the warmth pooling in her stomach, twisting her insides as she braced her hands on the wall and screamed and moaned, grinding. Trixie was in such a world of her own that she couldn't even form sentences, and as she let her head fall back, an unexpected orgasm overcame her and her hips jittered over Katya's face, Katya's spare hand pulling her down harder as she came, licking and fucking her asshole through it. When the feeling had subsided a little, Trixie lifted her leg off and slid down to lie next to Katya, beaming, snuggling her head into the crook of Katya's neck and palming her boobs as Katya told her what a good girl she was, was a sweet, lovely girl and how hot it was when she came on Katya's face. Trixie kissed her, tasting herself, and smiling. She desperately wanted to repay the favour, but Katya had already begun to run her fingers through Trixie's wetness again, knowing that she could push Trixie to come again if she was quick enough. Trixie didn't have the energy to argue and so let Katya get on top of her and push two fingers briskly inside her. Katya knew exactly what Trixie needed right now, and fucked her hard with two fingers curled upward, hitting her g-spot perfectly. After a few minute she heard Katya say,

"More?"

"More." Another finger. This time Katya knew she could take full control of Trixie with very little effort, but she wanted Trixie to beg for it and so fucked her hard like that, one arm straightened so she could look at Trixie as she fucked her. Trixie was moaning again, this time more internal and wild. Once more Trixie said,

"More." Katya smiled and raised an eyebrow. "More Katya please, I need... I want. I want your hand." Katya didn't need anymore encouragement and braced herself for pushing her remaining finger and thumb inside Trixie. She kept her eyes trained on Trixie's face, knowing which facial expressions were good and which meant stop. She pushed slightly, Trixie nodding the whole time, steading her breathing and rolling her hips gently. This was not the first time in six years that Katya had done this, and she knew that as much as Trixie adored the feeling of stretching around her hand, it took a lot more concentration, calm and focus to get to that point. Trixie pushed her hips again slightly and nodded, Katya pushing once more.

"You're doing so good baby." Katya purred at her, "are you okay?"

"I'm okay. I'm good. More, baby, please." Katya pushed her handly firmly but slowly into Trixie once and more and heard Trixie inhale sharply. She stopped but Trixie whined and said, "don't stop, more please." And with one more push, Katya saw her thumb and hand disappear into Trixie. She began to massage Trixie's g-spot firmly, who was now moaning low and loud, grabbing at her own breasts. "Can I, I need..."

"What baby?"

"Your tongue. If you can." Trixie could not longer speak, but Katya knew what to do anyway. Other than having Katya's tongue in her ass, this was Trixie's favourite way to come, stretched around her hand, moaning and whining. Katya knew that as soon as she pressed her tongue to Trixie's clit, it would be game over and so spent some time kissing around her thighs before extending her tongue and massaging the sensitive clit gently. Trixie responded immediately, hips jutting and fists balling as she cried out, whining loudly. It took a further 30 seconds and then Trixie was coming, hard, moaning low from her stomach and feeling juices flowing from her. Katya waited for the feeling to subside before gently easing her hand out, flexing it gently and reaching up to kiss Trixie. 

"God you are so sexy."

"Do you like doing that?"

"Yes. It's so hot."

"You don't mind?" Trixie was feeling self conscious all of a sudden, which wasn't uncommon after being so submissive, and Katya kissed her firmly on the lips saying,

"No. I love it. I love that my hand goes inside you. You are a dream. I love you."

"I love you."

"Happy non-valentines day."

"Happy non-valentines day!" Trixie smiled contentedly as Katya lit a cigarette and pulled open the window. She would let Trixie fuck her in a moment, but knew that probably she was too sore right now, and so took the opportunity to smoke and relax a moment. She looked back at her girlfriend, who was staring at her stroking the back of her calves as she leaned out the window above their bed. Katya smiled back at her and leaned her ass out, wiggling it slightly, hoping Trixie would take the bait and put her tongue to her ass and her fingers inside her as she smoked. That was Katya's kink, to be visible to her neighbour's as she was fucked whilst a cigarette hung out of her mouth. Trixie was nothing if not predictable, and was quickly up and leaning her face down to Katya's ass, pulling her checks apart and quickly burying her tongue inside her, pushing two fingers in and fucking her slowly. Katya was so worked up, that it took a mere matter of minutes for her to come hard, back arching and cigarette dropping out the window to the road below as she came hard and long. She turned back around and enveloped Trixie in a tight hug, the cool February breeze blowing through their window, and the two of the resting together, eyes drifting closed, in an embrace they never wanted to give up.

 


	8. September 2015

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I did that thing where I stopped updating again. SORRY!!! 
> 
> It's a short one - sorry.

Trixie sat in the window of the coffee shop where she'd met Katya on her lunch break every day that week, staring out the window and humming along to her ipod quietly. She was tired. She had one day off this week, since she'd begun to pick up more shifts at the restaurant as Katya hadn't been able to continue working there now that her studies were amping up, and she could've done with a day spent sorting their laundry out and cleaning the flat. But Katya needed a distraction, and Trixie was keen to offer her whatever company she could during this first week of term, so that she didn't find that distraction in substances or worlds Trixie knew nothing of. Katya had been studying for a couple of years now, and they both knew that the time was coming when things would get more intense with her workload, so Trixie revelled in every minute spent with her girlfriend that wasn't focused on Architecture. As she stared out the window, she thought longingly of the times they'd spent entire days here, curled up on the sofa in the corner drinking coffee and Katya reading poetry to her. Katya was always keen to make Trixie stop and listen for a while, because Trixie was always so busy, and Katya was usually so frantic, and so the ease of sitting together and reading poetry made them both centre and focus for a while. Trixie couldn't remember the last time they'd done that and got up from her seat to round the corner to see if the sofa was free. As she turned the corner, she was pleasantly surprised to see that it was in fact vacant and so quickly returned to her table, grabbed their coffee's and relocated to their sofa, pulling a book off the shelf on her way. It was only moments later that Katya entered the shop, and began to ring Trixie's phone as she hadn't been able to see her.

"Where are you baby?" Trixie could see Katya looking around, just beyond the bookshelves that masked the sofa, and she chuckled to herself.

"Round the corner. Warm. Warmer. Very warm. OUCH BOILING!" Trixie scream laughed as Katya poked her head around the bookshelf and smiled with glee at the sight bestowed upon her eyes.

"Oh baby, I missed you!" Katya practically fell into Trixie, smothering her with little kisses and nuzzling into her neck.

"I saw you this morning." Trixie deadpanned back.

"Yes. But you are a zombie before 11am." Katya winked up at her, cheekily.

"Never a truer word spoken. I got you a coffee."

"And the sofa! Thank you baby, god, how long has it been since we've sat here and just relaxed?" Katya sighed contentedly as Trixie ran her fingers through her hair and hummed along to the music being played above them. She looked down at Katya to see her eyes closed and a soft smile tracing the outline of her lips. She looked happy. It was nice to see her look less stressed than usual and Trixie thought perhaps this was going to be a good period for them both. Although Trixie was tired from working, she didn't mind it so much when she thought about how it was all to benefit their future. Katya opened her eyes and looked up at Trixie.

"Tell me about your day." Katya smiled. She was looking for distraction, Trixie could tell, and although all Trixie wanted to do was ask how the presentation went this morning, she put a pin in it in order to please Katya with silliness right now.

"Well, I woke up at 7am because you decided a morning jog and yoga session was a good idea."

"But you didn't come with!"

"I still woke up! AND THEN," she interrupted before Katya could continue, "I went back to sleep for a few hours. I went to the gym, sent over another track to Shangie to see if she's deemed me talented enough to hire me full time or not yet, to which she still hasn't responded. And then I had a wank, had a shower, made lunch, and came to meet you. Simples."

"Hmm... a wank and a shower! God I'm jealous."

"Baby you should be... I went all out."

"Tell me."

"Not now."

"Baby..."

"No." Trixie smirked. Katya really wanted distracting today. That worried her a little bit and so she tentatively said, "How did your presentation go?" Katya shifted and looked away from her momentarily.

"Ugh, can we not talk about it?"

"Kat..."

"I just, Trixie, please, I just don't..."

"Was it your anxiety?"

"Yeah, I just froze. I got up there and I felt like all the voices in my head that say I'm not good enough, won. Fuck."

"It's okay baby, it's okay. There will be another time." Katya sighed sadly, and Trixie placed a kiss on her forehead. She looked down to see a single tear falling from Katya's eye. "Stop that, come on now. Don't be silly. You're gonna be fine, everyone struggles. It's a hard course, but I don't care what happens Kat, I love you regardless okay?"

"Yeah. Fuck I'm just so frustrated with myself for... for being shit."

"Yekaterina. Stop that. You are amazing. Ok?" Trixie had taken Katya's face in her hands and was intensely staring into her eyes. Katya broke a little and smiled, softening the moment so Trixie felt allowed to reach in and kiss her. "I love you." She let go of Katya's face, who returned her head to Trixie's chest, and placed a small kiss on the area of skin exposed to the cold September air. She left her lips there for a moment and Trixie's breath hitched slightly, a mixture of longing and lust escaping from her. She leant her head down so her mouth was close to Katya's ear and whispered;

"Do you remember what we used to get up to here? Huh? Hours spent lying on this sofa, drinking coffee and then wine in the evenings, reading poetry, kissing and..." she trailed off.

"Fucking." Katya opened one eye and looked up at Trixie before reaching past her and pulling the blanket from the side of the sofa and laying it over them. She shuffled around a little to reposition herself slightly, easing Trixie's legs open ever so gently and sitting up a little straighter as Trixie took the book from the table and began to read some beautiful love poetry quietly to her girlfriend. To anyone looking in, they were merely enjoying coffee and some literature. But underneath the blanket, Katya's fingers working the lace edges of Trixie's thong, teasing and twisting as she dipped playfully in and out of the folds of her pussy, reveling in every hitch of breath or guttural moan that escaped Trixie's luscious lips.

"I love you Trixie." Katya murmured gently.

"I love you." Trixie replied and lost her place slightly as Katya pushed a solitary finger inside her.

"You're very wet for someone who's been sat here waiting for their girlfriend."

"I had some time to think..."

"Oh yeah? And what did you think about Miss Mattel?" Katya questioned her as she slowly pumped one finger in and out of her girlfriend, careful not to make too much movement and give the game away.

"I was thinking about kissing you, and fucking you tonight when you get in from uni, all stressed out and wound up." Trixie let out a almost inaudible moan as Katya used her thumb to play with her clit.

"And what else baby? What have you been thinking about?"

"I..I..."

"Oh, cat got your tongue ey? Shall I tell you what I've been thinking about?" Katya whispered and Trixie merely responded with a nod, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back. Katya smirked with glee at seeing her girlfriend come undone in front of her. "I've been thinking about being in class, staying late to finish an essay, and wishing you were there when no one else is. I've been thinking about how much I want you to put your head between my legs when I'm wearing no panties, with those leggings with a whole in them, you know... under my desk in class, licking and eating my out whilst I try to focus on what I'm writing. You down on your knees like a good little slut," Trixie moaned a little too loudly at this and Katya whipped her head around to check that no one was watching them. "Trixie, quiet baby. You like the idea of being my slut don't you? Fucking me, and everyone knowing that you're my little slut. In public. You like it don't you?" Trixie moaned agian, "Ssh ssh sh. Show, don't tell Trix." Katya pumped another finger inside her and began to kiss her mouth, whispering more obscene things in her ears. Trixie could feel the warmth pooling between her legs, and her hips were bucking and grinding against her will. She wanted Katya to get down on her knees under the blanket and taste her juices. She wanted to tell her to do that. But then she remembered they were in the coffee shop, and that realization turned her on ever more.

"I want to come for you Katya." Katya chuckled softly.

"Yeah baby? Right here? In public? You want to come for me here, all over my hand, whilst there are people here to hear what a dirty little slut you are huh?" Trixie nodded, screwing her eyes up tight and biting her lip. Katya could tell she was close and so placed a light kiss on her ear, nibbling slightly and whispering, "baby please come for me. Please." With that, permission, if you like, Trixie felt herself release and her orgasm took over her body. Katya kept her eyes trained on the other side of the bookshelf, making sure Trixie was able to ride it out undisturbed, and when the twitching subsided, she planted soft kisses on her lips and cheeks, pulling her fingers from within her and licking them surreptitiously. They looked at each other and giggled.

"I forgot how how it is to fuck you in public!" Katya beamed.

"Stop!!!" Trixie laughed, blushing, now that her orgasm was over. "We really shouldn't."

"No, probably not." They looked at each other momentarily, and then burst out laughing, Katya slapping her knees and flailing her arms as Trixie scream laughed.

"I think we might be the most mental people I know you know Kat!"

"That's why we're perfect for each other. Batshit bonkers times two!" Katya beamed. "I hope we're always crazy and do silly things that could get us in trouble." Trixie smiled. "I hope I'm still fucking you in public when we're 80 with seventeen grandchildren."

"EW!"

"WHAT ARE YOU EWWING?" Katya looked aghast. "I am definitely still going to be fucking you at 80. Get used to the idea."

"Well you're already nearly 60 so..."

"You rotted bitch!" Katya wheezed, slapping Trixie lightly on the arm. They sat, laughing and screaming at each other for another half hour, until the owner of the cafe came over and asked them to be slightly quieter. They looked at each other bashfully and Trixie said,

"How is it you can make me orgasm and no one says a thing, and yet you making me laugh gets us told off!" Trixie whispered, laughing to herself.

"It's my magic skills." Katya beamed.

"Yeah, you've put a hex on me. That's for sure!" Trixie laughed and kissed Katya firmly on the lips. Katya smiled, scrunching her eyes up, and looked at her phone.

"Fuck, the time. Baby I gotta go." She scrambled to collect her things and kissed Trixie about 20 times briskly on the lips before running out the door, shouting that she'd pick up a takeaway for dinner. Trixie looked down sadly, and reached for her phone before texting her to say:

_**BARBERELLA:** I'm working tonight baby. See you tomorrow. Sorry I won't be in. I love you xxxxx_

She let out a big sigh and let her head hit the headrest of the sofa, feeling sad that she would not see Katya for at least another 24 hours now. This was hard. But it was worth it. It was.

 **YOGAYODA:** _I love you. I'll wait up. You're my favourite human on this planet, remember that._

 


	9. October 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - we're a go again! 
> 
> I might even give you two chapters in one day as they're both quite short... or would you rather we wait? 
> 
> Glad to see everyone is enjoying it. Excuse any of the slight inaccuracies, working timelines backwards when maths is not your strong point is relatively tricky.  
> Also, I hope you enjoy the small insight into their histories.

Trixie rolled over to see Katya staring up at the ceiling of their bedroom. They'd fallen asleep early the night before, after spending much of the night talking about their future, Katya telling her how beautiful she was, how much she loved her and how she couldn't wait for the rest of their lives. Trixie was glad to hear it, especially unprompted, as it had been a tough few months.

Katya had gotten clean, finally. They'd been together about 6 years and Katya had flirted with a drug and alcohol problem their entire relationship, but Katya had finally cut it all out after that fateful argument six months ago and it had changed them both. They were calmer, their lives more collected and focused now that Katya wasn't dipping in and out two day benders. Trixie swore that they would never talk about it again so long as Katya was clean, so long as Katya continually played her part, Trixie would never push her to discuss it if she didn't want to. They talked last night briefly about how Katya felt clear headed for the first time in a long time. Trixie was happy to hear it, but couldn't really relate as she'd not had much experience with drugs and so didn't know the feeling. But if Katya said she was feeling good, then Trixie was happy with that.

"Morning beautiful," she said, reaching up to kiss Katya on the cheek. Katya rolled over so they were face to face and tucked her hands under head, staring intently.

"Morning."

"How you feeling?"

"A bit shit."

"Why?" Trixie scrambled up to look at her girlfriend properly, "Why baby?" Katya sighed and closed her eyes.

"I, Trixie, how have you put up with me for so many years? I spent last night thinking about all the awful times I've put you through and... I don't know, I feel as if. Why are you even still here? We hardly see each other because we're both working so much, I've got an alcohol problem that really is a problem and... I'm just a let down."

"Katya, I am here because I love you. And that's all there is too it. I want to grow old with you, and now that you're clean, I can really really see that happening. There's nothing to stop us. You are amazing. You are so strong and kind and you, you are the person I love more than anything in the world. I need you to stop doubting that. Ok?" Katya smiled and sighed.

"Yeah, it's just, six months is like, no time at all in the grand scheme of our relationship, and I just don't know how you put up with me for so long."

"Because I know we are worth it."

"I love you." Katya kissed Trixie firmly, trying to make Trixie feel how very much she loved her. It had been six months since their big fight, and Trixie was stronger than ever, and Katya was more in love than ever. It was the first time she could see that she didn't need anything other than Trixie to get her through. She laid back, looking up at the ceiling and blinking slowly. She was so grateful for her support, so grateful for her unwavering love and she couldn't imagine doing a day without her.

"I'm so glad I know you Trixie." Katya said. She looked at her girlfriend who was smiling sweetly over at her, and knew that she was the luckiest person in the world. The last six months had been hard, especially after the big blow up that had happened, and Katya had really struggled through working the addictions out of her system, but she knew it was the best thing she could have done. Her work load at the restaurant was heavy now, and her studying was also taking up a lot of her time, but for the first time she felt as if she was fully in control of herself and her life. She had a beautiful girlfriend by her side, she was practicing yoga daily, she had no desire to dip back into the darker days that she'd flirted with, and she knew that if she wanted to, she could really ace this degree and create a lift she'd always wanted.

Neither of their lives had been easy, and Katya wanted to change that now. She wanted them to grow old, and have children and grandchildren and sit next to each other on a love seat in their garden when they were grey and know that they had had the best possible life.

Katya had worked really hard to get out of where she was when she was 19, but by then she had already spent too many years exposed to her alcoholic parents, exposed to casual drug taking with her friends, and so very exposed to the dangers of giving her body to anyone and everyone. She had come into her twenties feeling angry, betrayed and yet fiercely protective of the people who had made her life so difficult up until that point, that whenever any of her new friends tried to suggest that her parents had not been the best or that her old friends were the root of her problems, she would become instantly angry and fierce.

She'd met Alaska when she was 20, three weeks after her birthday, and they'd instantly connected, having come from similar backgrounds. But they'd also instantly created problems for each other, they were both fiery, passionate and enjoyed to push each others buttons. They were both fiery, passionate, enjoyed pushing each other buttons and they both loved to drink and take drugs. It was not a healthy relationship, but it was familiar and Katya felt at home in the dark dismal world of parties til 7am and staying up for days at a time. It was what she knew, and the sex was really great. Her relationship with Alaska was never meant to last, and a few years later, she met Trixie and, as predicted, it didn't. But she kept hold of that connection as the light things in her life grew, never quite able to relinquish it entirely, as if Alaska was a reminder of how her life could have turned out. But after THAT fight with Trixie less than half a year ago, that nearly ended their relationship, she'd finally taken a step back from Alaska and her world. They'd had a conversation and Katya had told her that she was getting clean, forever, and that Alaska should try to do the same. And, to her credit, it seemed that she had taken that advice and run with it, because three weeks after the fight, Alaska had admitted herself into a rehab centre, paid for by her very wealthy and uncaring parents, and they'd both started to really feel a change. Katya was keeping Alaska out of her life for the time being, knowing it would be too hard for Trixie, but she kept updated through Ginger and Violet as to how she was doing, and finally she felt as if everything was coming together.

Trixie, by contrast, had come from a much more wholesome world, all bar her stepfather. It was the same old story, and so Trixie felt as if Katya's upbringing was a lot worse than her own, but if Katya really thought about it, the verbal and mental abuse Trixie had received growing up far outweighed her own problems. Trixie's father had left before she was born, abandoning her before her lungs had even taken their first breath, and Trixie's mum had remarried when Trixie was 7. At first, they'd gotten along fine, her mum and new stepfather seemingly the perfect couple, however as Trixie grew, and her sexuality became more obvious, her disinterest in boys more prominent, her stepfather had become crueler. He was an angry homophobic man who would hurl drunken insults at Trixie whenever she was around, and it slowly beat away at herself image and self confidence. When she'd met Katya, she was a shy, quiet, scared little girl exploring her sexuality for the first time. She was the same age Katya had been when she'd left home. 19. And Katya had changed her life. She'd left her then girlfriend, swept Trixie up in her arms and taught her everything she knew, gave her opportunities to explore herself, her sexuality, to spread her wings whenever she needed, hoping and trusting that they would always come back to each other. Which they always did. Trixie was always a little nervous of Katya's past, of Alaska, of the world she came from, but she also trusted Katya explicitly and she knew that they had a good thing.

Looking back on the beginning of their relationship made Trixie laugh, she was so young then, and now, as she lay next to her girlfriend, she really felt as if everything was coming together.

 


	10. April 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a darker chapter, but much needed to give some context to the beginning I think.

Trixie and Katya sat staring at each other, neither one spoke. Katya was trying to hold back tears. Trixie was not.

They hadn't spoken in about a week and Trixie had finally relented enough on her anger to call Katya and arrange a meeting. Ginger was sat round the corner, keeping a beady eye on the two of them in case it blew up.

Katya felt terrible, but she was watching Trixie cry with a vague amount of annoyance that she couldn't seem to wipe off her face. Trixie, who had screamed and yelled and told her she couldn't cope with Katya's behaviour anymore. Trixie, who had told Katya that she was selfish, after she'd disappeared off the grid for a few days. Trixie, who had had an actual panic attack when Katya had told her maliciously to 'get to fuck' whilst storming away from her whilst she sobbed, all because she hadn't been able to process her own anxiety or stress in any other way than in anger at the moment. Trixie, who had, despite all that, called her this morning and begged to see her after a week of absence. Trixie, who now sat, staring across at Katya, tears trailing through her makeup. 

"Kat, I'm so sorry for everything I said last week." Trixie hiccuped. Katya knew she should be telling Trixie that there was nothing to be sorry for, but she couldn't say anything.

Katya had spent a week on Ginger's sofa, after they'd dragged her away from Alaska's house, kicking and screaming. Katya wasn't entirely sure what had possessed her to go there after the initial argument with Trixie, but looking backing on it now, she thought it was purely to get a rise out of Trixie. She'd headed straight for her ex girlfriends flat, where drugs and alcohol were rife and she could lose herself in marijuana and... well, anything she liked. And she had. And that was what Trixie had really lost her mind about.

They'd fought about something stupid. Trixie had lightly suggested that perhaps Katya was partying a little too hard, and that perhaps she should be studying more, in that it was her third year of her course and she had talked about how much she wanted to be a success, but the stress had been beginning to get to her and she'd found a group of people who enjoyed 'studying' with a spliff and a drink in their hand on Friday evenings. Trixie was only trying to be kind, to remind Katya what she was working toward, but Katya had taken it badly and thrown on her trainers and a hoodie and stormed out, leaving her phone behind her and not looking back. Katya had dabbled in the party scene her whole life, only giving up the really hard stuff when she'd started dating Trixie, but every now and again she still liked to go and lose her head a bit, something Trixie never really understood. She'd only meant to go for a walk to cool off, but she'd found herself in front of Alaska's building quicker than she knew how, and had pressed the buzzer without realising and before she knew it, she was sitting on the sofa of Alaska's flat with a spliff in one had, a whiskey in the other and several of Alaska's friends dotted around snorting coke off the table whilst they retold stories from Alaska and Katya's relationship. She wasn't really interested, her mind was on Trixie, who she knew she should have let know that she was okay, and that she was just at a friends, but she was angry and also slightly intoxicated. That was something she knew would probably break Trixie, but spitefully, she couldn't stop herself. She couldn't bring herself to go home. Alaska's friends never left it seemed. There was always someone in the flat, smoking, drinking, offering her something or other to bomb or snort or, and thank god she'd been wise enough to know herself, inject. It was a nasty, dirty scene that she secretly loved but that she knew was really really bad for her. She had no self control. She knew it. And she was scared, but she couldn't stop herself.

One night became the next day.

Toward the end of day two, Katya realised she'd not eaten since the day before, and she wondered how that had happeed. She then realised she'd not slept in as long and she started to feel a bit weak. Standing up slowly and untangling herself from the mess of women draped across Alaska's couch, she tumbled toward the bedroom. The bedroom that she knew so well. The bedroom she had spent many sleepless, drug fuelled, intoxicated nights in. When she pushed open the door, she found Alaska on her knees, head between the legs of a tall, brilliantly beautiful blonde girl. The girl saw her and let her head fall back, rolling her neck before giving her eye contact. She took Alaska's head and pushed her further in between her legs, raising an eyebrow to Katya who merely laughed and backed out of the room. There was temptation everywhere in this house and yet Katya didn't think twice about it. She didn't need to be tempted by Alaska, when she had a better version at home.

She should go home.

But she couldn't. Trixie hadn't called or messaged or come to get her. So why should she go home? Why should she? 

Detox and Roxxxy, friends Katya hadn't seen since breaking up with Alaska and, for the most part, leaving that world behind, were crowded round the kitchen table in the tiny flat, with a group of people, cutting lines for their friends. Katya went to sit with them, and clocked the time, 6.45pm. Trixie would just be starting work. Fuck her, Katya thought as she stared at the front door. She let her mind wander to Trixie, wondering how she was doing, only to choke up at the thought of how much she missed her and so quickly pulled her attention back to the kitchen. Roxxxy was smiling at her,

"Line?"

Katya sighed, and bit her lip. She hadn't taken any drugs harder than marijuana since her and Alaska had broken up. She so wanted to. She so wanted it, and as she took the straw from Roxxxy, nodding slightly, the front door flung open and Ginger marched in. She stopped and looked up, eyes wide. Everyone scattered, disappearing into various rooms, or hiding behind each other. 

"KATYA. Don't you fucking dare." Before she knew it, she was marching forward, putting her arms under Katya's shoulders and pulling her from the room. Katya was raging. She screamed for Alaska, who came running out of the bedroom, still naked. Trixie was stood just outside the front door, shaking and crying, and staring between the very naked Alaska and the yelling Katya. Ginger was pleading with her to calm down as they bundled her out onto the street, which of course she did. Trixie was stood a meter or so away, Shea's arms wrapped around her as she cried.

"Katya. What the fuck?" Ginger grabbed her by the face. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? We've been worried sick."

"Have you? God that's why you've all been trying to call me then eh?" Katya could hear how bitter she sounded. She saw Trixie's head pop up and her eyes grow wide. She fished in her pockets and pulled out a phone.

"HOW THE FUCK COULD WE HAVE CALLED," She pulled away from Shea, "WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR PHONE YOU BITCH. I HAVE BEEN SO SCARED KATYA." Trixie was angry now. She threw the phone at Katya. "I CANNOT... You are so selfish. How could you just leave me alone and not even... not even say anything? For two days. Or call. Or tell me you were here? HERE, KATYA, OF ALL PLACES. With your naked drug taking ex girlfriend and her drug dealing friends? WHY?" Trixie felt her knees give way and she sobbed. Katya had yet to say anything, and when a minute passed, Trixie's brow furrowed and she shook her head, "fucking hell Katya. I thought you loved me but clearly not."

"Oh get to fuck Trixie." Katya didn't mean it. She didn't. She couldn't control what she was saying but she turned on her heel and stormed away.

"Leaving me again. Great." Trixie yelled. Katya stopped and looked Trixie dead in the eye.

"Maybe forever this time." And with that she picked up her phone and walked away, she could feel Ginger behind her and she could hear Trixie losing her breath. She felt terrible. she didn't mean it. She should go back. But she couldn't. She wanted a drink. Ginger caught up with her and grabbed her by the arm.

"That was low Zamo. Fuck."

And with that, Ginger had taken Katya home, yelled at her, made her feel terrible, told her the only way they knew where she was, was because someone had called Violet to say they were having a party that night and could Katya get some gear, as they'd heard from Detox that she was back in with the old gang, which made Katya feel like scum. Despite really laying into her, Ginger bathed her, clothed her, fed her and talked her round, so that when Trixie called, Katya was a in a better position to deal with it. 

And here they were. Trixie crying, again. Katya, cold and seemingly uncaring.

"I'm sorry Trixie." Katya sighed. "I don't know... I don't know what happened." This sobered Trixie up a little and she nodded.

"Neither do I. But I swear Katya, if it EVER happens again. If you ever go back to her. I will leave and I will not look back. I can't. Even. I don't know what to say to you." Silence. "Other than I'm glad you're not dead. I was really worried. Please don't ever do that to me ever again. I... Katya I want you to get clean, like properly clean. No more occasional nights out or dabbling with..." Trixie began to cry. "dabbling with anything. I can't lose you again... the problem isn't that you drink, really, it's that you can't just have one drink or one, one, one line, without it getting out of hand. I love you so much, but I need something to shift... or I don't think I can carry on."

"I... I will try." Katya smiled sadly. She knew this would be a problem that would haunt her forever, drugs and alcohol. But looking at Trixie, she so wanted to be better for her. Be stronger for her. Be kinder. "I love you. God I'm sorry." Trixie sighed, as if hearing I love you was all she needed.

"I know, I know you and I know you're sorry, but I need something to change. I need you to, to not go back to her again and back to that world. I'm so scared I'll lose you to that world and I couldn't cope with that."

"Trixie, nothing happened with me and Alaska. It never would."

"I know, but, I can't help but wonder how that might've changed if I'd left you there..."

"I would never. You're the only person I love. The only person I want. I'm so so sorry for reacting the way I did, I know you were only looking out for me."  
  
"Let's go home," Trixie said, getting up, "there's a lot we need to talk about, but not here. Not now. Right now, I need you to hold me." Trixie looked so small and sad, and Katya felt all the guilt she'd been fighting off load onto her shoulders in that moment, and she promised herself she would do whatever it took to look after Trixie forever, she would ace this degree, she would buy them a house and they would have beautiful children and she would grow old to see them grow up, right by Trixie's side til they died. She put her arms around her, and kissed her softly on the lips.

"I'm so so sorry."

"Let's go home." Trixie took her hand, squeezing it slightly. 

Katya promised herself in that moment that things would change. That she would be better for Trixie.


	11. January 2013

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... it's been a while. Happy 2019. Thought I'd drop a little update on this. Hope you enjoy.

The sun was setting over the skyline as Katya wiggled into the tightest latex dressed she owned. She had bought it especially for New Years Eve, for the costume party her and the girls were going to at a club downtown. She was venturing out without Trixie on New Years eve for the first time since they'd gotten together. Trixie had been invited to a music studio party, and it was pretty much the ideal time for her to mingle with a potential new full time employer, and so had pleaded with Katya to go. Katya, never one to stand in the way of Trixie's music ambitions, had instantly said yes of course she should go, but that she wouldn't be going with her. Being at a work party on New Years Eve was not what Katya had planned, and she had already bought tickets for this latex and lace party, and so they agreed, after some whinging from Trixie, that they would meet at 1am after a respectable amount of time had been spent at their respective engagements. Trixie had wanted to give Katya a kiss as the New Year rung in, but Katya made it very clear that there was no way she was going to L&L only to leave early, whereas Trixie would be able to get in to L&L at any time because their friend Ginger was the promoter. 

Trixie had left home at around 7pm to go and be civilised, and Katya's friends had turned up approximately 20 minutes after her leaving, plied with champagne, tiny outfits and a ridiculous assortment of drugs. Fame and Violet looked absolutely beautiful, almost matching in latex pant suits with quaffed hair and immaculate make up. Katya was sure that something was going on between them, but they were both so anti-relationships that she dare not ask. Ginger and Alaska turned up shortly after, Alaska in a black latex dress that somewhat resembled a binbag, whereas Ginger had opted for a green lace dress. They all looked phenomenal. Katya was feeling the pressure of making she sure stood up to their glamour and so had pulled out the dress she had purchased, backcombed her hair and let Fame do her makeup. She felt beautiful, she wasn't sure she looked it, but she certainly felt it. It was a far cry from the far more pedestrian pink lace dress that Trixie had pulled on in order to blend in with 'the normals' as she called them, before throwing on a giant pair of pink latex heels and a bow to transform later on at the second party. 

Katya was very excited to be going out, she'd been working very hard on her degree and was keen to let some steam off and dance like a maniac for a while. 

Trixie was apprehensive for the exact same reasons that Katya was excited. Katya letting go was often a bit of a full steam ahead train wreck moment, but Trixie fully supported Katya's need to have a good night out and so hadn't said anything. She had expressed to Shea, who was also going to the latex party, that she was a little nervous and could an eye be kept on Katya's madness just in case it got out of hand, but she couldn't bare to say that directly to Katya herself for fear of hurting her feelings, so a stalemate was reached. Shea had assured Trixie that it would all be fine, and had sent her on her way. 

Katya knew, despite Trixie not saying anything. She knew that she was a liability and she knew that she put Trixie through unparralled pain and suffering at times, but she had promised herself that she would behave and her word was important. 

"Katyaaaa!" Alaska screamed from the balcony, peering in through the bedroom window. She pushed her face up against the glass and grinned, manically. "Drink?" Katya beamed back and said... 

"DUH!" And with that she rushed into the living room and out through the doors to join her friends on the dusky balcony. Alaska handed her a glass of champagne and popped a cherry into it as she did. 

"Happy New Year bitches." They cheersed, and Ginger thanked Katya for having them over for drinks. 

"What time are we heading out then?" Violet asked, lolling her head back with a cigarette dangling delicately from her lips. 

"About 9.30pm?" Ginger offered, "I've got to be at the club by 10pm." 

"Sure, so we have some time to get high then?" Fame whipped her head around and laughed as she said this, daring Katya with a look of triumph and danger. Fame had a substance addiction. That was a very true thing that all her friends were acutely aware of, but no one really did anything about. Fame's addictions were different from Katya's, they were based in wanting to escape, rather than becoming the life and soul of the party, and so on occasions like this, no one had to worry that Fame would get out of control, because she took what she needed to continue partying, but no more than that as she wanted to remain present. 

"Yes. Who's got stuff?" Violet smiled at Ginger, pulling out two small bags of white powder from her bag. 

"Lovely. Ladies," Katya turned to them and raised an eyebrow. She herself had put a bag of four small pink pills and a bag of coke. Fame threw down some more coke and Ginger finished the party with a little bit of ketamin.

"Jesus, we could start a drug ring with all of this!" Katya laughed to herself before taking the bag of coke and cutting out four lines for her and her friends. Katya had promised herself that she wouldn't get out of control, and she wouldn't. But a line here and there couldn't and wouldn't hurt. 

They ramped up the music on the balcony, the sun setting and the evening turning somewhat chillier. They had lit the fire pit that Katya and Trixie had bought the year before, and it was toasting their toes nicely as they all snuggled together under the comfort of the blankets and bubbles. Their little home was perfect for gatherings like this, with it's large wide balcony that overlooked the city, and the repurposed sofa that Katya had taken from her parents when she had moved into her first flat a million years ago. Katya was very grateful to have these women in her life, they were kind and solid friends who weren't afraid to stand up for her, and stand up to her, when needed. She knew her relationship with Alaska was a tricky point for Trixie, but that tether to her old life reminded her of what she didn't need anymore. And tons of lesbians were friends with their exes, it definitely wasn't an issue for Alaska or Katya so Trixie need not worry. 

Katya looked at her watch and scrunched up her face, 

"Come on then team, it's 9.20pm. We should order an Uber and get this show on the road!" There was a general camaraderie and excitement bubbling within their group as they piled into the uber, fizzing from too much champagne. Fame and Violet sat next to one another in the back, latex rubbing together and Violet placed her legs over the top of Fame's. Katya locked eyes with Fame who shrugged and winked. No questions, again. Ginger sat in the front, chatting away to the poor Uber driver, who was clearly tolerating her crazy chatter in the hope of a New Years tip. Katya sat next to Alaska in the boot of the car, watching her friends with a gleeful joy and pulled out her phone to check in with her girlfriend. Alaska did the same.

\- Hey baby. How's the party? 

She shoved her phone back in her bag only to receive a text within moments. 

\- GET OFF YOUR PHONE BITCH. 

It was from Alaska. She laughed aloud and gently punched her on the arm before smiling slyly over at her. 

"How are you Alaska?" 

"Oh, that sounds very serious!" Alaska screeched in response. 

"It is. I am interested in your wellbeing." 

"I am fine, there's gonna be a hot girl at this party that I've been trying to fuck for ages." 

"Wahoo!" Katya cheered with glee and laughed as the others turned around. "Lasky's looking to get some tonight!" Ginger raised an eyebrow and looked stone coldly to the back of the taxi. 

"With you?" Fame asked, laughing over her shoulder. 

"Not with me, you cretin!" Katya exclaimed, "We don't do that anymore, eh Lask?" Alaska shrugged, smiled and laughed. She had blatantly avoided the question, but this was a topic they had been over many times since breaking up, and was not something that Katya was willing to go into again tonight. 

"If you say so!" Fame laughed. The taxi pulled up moments later and they fell out, laughing and thanking the driver, who Ginger tipped generously, of course. 

"Okay, you guys go on ahead and I will just check in with the team here." Ginger sent them through the main doors in the lavishly beautifully designed club. It was dark, black curtains and roped off areas. It wasn't technically a sex club, actually it wasn't evening a play venue at all, but the way they had decorated it this evening leant itself to illicit, excitement and mystery. Katya could practically feel the excitement fizzing from her core as she looked around. She couldn't wait for Trixie to get here later that evening so they could explore together. They wandered through into the back rooms, down to the smoking area and wound themselves back around to the main entrance once more. Once they'd gotten their bearings, they went to the bar, ordered a bottle of champagne and popped the cork before passing it round to each other to swig from the bottle. Katya was elated, excited and exuberant. She felt enough in control of herself to know that getting up on the bar was a bad idea, but free enough to dance like a mad person on the dancefloor with Alaska. 

The night rolled on, people began to pile in, and Ginger showed them where their little area would be to base themselves, before running off to deal with some crisis or another. Oh the joys of having friends who work in nightlife, thought Katya. They dropped their winter coats at the booth, sitting down to enjoy some more Champagne before the revellers piled in and it got too loud to hear their own thoughts, let alone each others voices. Katya toasted to their health and happiness, Fame toasted to their friendship, Violet toasted to sex and Alaska toasted to sticking together through the thick and thin. She held Katya's eye contact for a little too long, but Katya thought nothing of it and moved on quickly. She didn't feel like dealing with this tonight. She knew something was brewing, but she didn't feel like dealing with it right now, or ever. Head in the sand was her default setting when she felt uncomfortable, or attacked, or anything negative to be quite frank. Alaska clearly took the hint, getting up and winding her way to the bar, where she got chatting to a very beautiful blonde thing with black lips and a tiny waste. Katya wondered if that was the girl that she had mentioned earlier, but then it seemed like they'd never met before by the way of their interaction, so she thought perhaps not. She caught herself staring in their direction as Alaska turned back to point out the table to her new friend, and Katya, being the awkward being that she is, smiled and waved, awkwardly. The two smiled back, the new girl much more comfortably than Alaska, and began to make their way over to the table. 

Fame and Violet returned at the same time, having been outside to smoke, and popped themselves in next to Katya, blocking her off from Alaska and the new person. Katya thought this was probably for the best, seeing as she felt a little awkward and usually, when she felt awkward, she said awkward things. 

"Lads, this is Tatiana," Alaska smiled and offered her new squeeze up to the group for inspection. They unanimously greeted her and Fame and Violet began to ask all the usual questions whilst Katya smiled fondly at Alaska, who was avoiding the eye contact like no tomorrow. After a while of getting to know the very beautiful Tatiana, clad in the tightest latex dress with a cut out in the front and long vampy sleeves, Fame turned to Katya and slid a little packet of white powder into her hand. She excused herself from the table and made a nosedive for the toilets, where she cut herself a large line and took it in one. It hit the back of her throat, the way cocaine does, and made her gag momentarily, before shaking it off and popping the powder back in her dress. The toilet had a full length mirror in it, and she looked at herself with pride, her ass being hugged perfectly by the latex. She was fit, she knew it. She had been working out a lot recently and eating well, and she was pleased with the result. As she began to touch up her lipstick, the doors burst open from one of the cubicles, and Shea stumbled out. 

"KATYAAAAAA!!!" She squealed. "YAY! Trix said you were gonna be here!" They hugged, embracing one another fondly, and Shea popped a kiss on her cheek. "How you doing?"

"Me? I am BRILLIANT!" Katya responded, "You? When did you get here?" 

"About 20 minutes ago, with some friends. Come dance!" Shea was clearly very excited and hyped up. Katya wondered whether she'd be ingesting the same chemical substance, but dare not ask in case she told Trixie. 

"Okay." They went upstairs and began to dance, Katya's group joining Shea's as they all moved around the dance floor in one glorified union of excitement and fun. As the time neared midnight, the levels of coherence diminished and the dancing became more sporadic and exuberant. Katya knew she must look like a mad person as she threw herself around the dance floor, but she couldn't stop herself. She was high on life, and other things, and she was having the best time. Alaska and Tatiana were making out in the corner of the room. Fame and Violet were dancing back to front, enjoying the melding of their two bodies. Shea was dancing with some friends and Katya was living her best life.

She vaguely remembered that she hadn't handed the coke back to Fame, and so slipped away to have another line. She was sure they wouldn't miss her, but it seemed she'd picked exactly the wrong moment, because as she sat down on the toilet to pull out her the key in her purse, the toilet door opened and a voice called out.

"Katya!" Trixie? "Kat you in here?" Katya looked at her watch, it was 11.45pm. Trixie was very early, and Katya was very high. Fuck. 

"Yeah baby, hang on! Just weeing." She quickly took her key and popped it into the bag, sniffing as quietly as she could, before turning and flushing the toilet behind her. 

She let herself out of the cubicle, making sure to hide the bag in her bra before doing so, and greeted Trixie with a swift kiss. 

"What are you doing here?" Katya beamed. She WAS happy to see her, she was. She was just a little surprised, and unprepared. She thought she'd had another hour before she needed to pull herself together for her girlfriends arrival. 

"Shangela and her friends were all heading here anyway! Everyone who is anyone is here tonight Kat, and so, we were talking about after party plans and they mentioned this party and I said I'm going there at 1am and they were like let's go now and so... here we are! I texted you!" Trixie smiled sheepishly, she was clearly unsure of what Katya was thinking. "Are you happy I'm here?" Katya beamed. 

"YES!" She was. "Yes of course I am! Let's go dance. How was your night? Was it as fun as you were hoping? Were they nice? Did you have fun?" 

"Oh my god stop!" Trixie laughed, taking Katya by the shoulders and looking her dead in the eyes. "How fucked are you?" 

"What? I'm not!" She exclaimed, smiling like the cheshire cat. 

"Okay cross eyed. Whatever you say," Trixie took her by the end, clearly having no interest in continuing this conversation at all. 

"Pah. Okay." They went upstairs and danced together, enjoying the madness of the dance floor. It was heaving in the club, just a few minutes from midnight, and there was a tangible excitement in the air. Ginger came rushing over at a minute to midnight, in order to be with her friends when the new year came in, and they all passed round glasses of bubbles or whatever else they had switched to drinking at this point. Trixie stood close to Katya, eyes trained on her for any sign of outlandish behaviour. Katya felt she was behaving quite well, although she also felt as if she was being watched by her mother, which annoyed her slightly. This was why she had been keen to meet with Trixie later in the evening, so that she could let go a bit before. But she was happy she was there really. Trixie looked absolutely gorgeous, she'd popped her big pink heels on as promised, and the pink latex bow in her perfectly quaffed hair was adorable. The dress she was wearing was a little less demure now that she'd re-laced it at the back so that it pushed her boobs up and out over the top. She, as always, looked immaculate. Katya on the other hand, was less glam than when he'd begun the night, but no one seemed to mind. 

Midnight struck and everyone erupted. The excitement was lovely. People were kissing all around them, hugging each other and smiling gleefully. 

"Happy New Year baby." Trixie smiled down at her girlfriend before kissing her deeply and passionately. 

"Happy New year love." Katya kissed her back and ran her hands up and down her girlfriends tightly corseted waist. They hugged their friends, enjoying the embrace of one another, making their way round the group. Katya looked back over her shoulder to see Alaska narrowly, but purposefully, avoid Trixie's eye contact and her reach for a hug, which left Trixie gobsmacked, but Katya quickly turned and pretended not to see her. She couldn't deal with THAT right now. Oh jesus, why couldn't they just get on? It seemed that everyone in the group had clocked the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and a few of them were staring at Katya, who just wanted to melt. Trixie, who had gone a pink brighter than her dress, was looking around, mortified. Shea could see that Katya was not going to be of any help, and so grabbed Trixie by the arm and span her into a tight cuddle, whilst Katya turned to address Alaska. She went in for a hug, as the group seemed to be moving on, and whispered, 

"What the FUCK was that?" 

Alaska said nothing but widened her eyes in a sulky manner and shrugged. She then turned, took the hand of Tatiana and stormed off. Katya stood, staring after her, face getting redder from embarrassment and fury. 

"Alaska." She yelled after her, but Alaska was gone. Trixie turned to her, eyes wide and sad. "Oh I'm sorry baby, come here." She threw her arms around Trixie, still staring at the space where Alaska had disappeared into. 

"It's fine, just embarrassed. God she hates me." 

"No, she's just being a dick tonight. I'm sorry. She shouldn't have done that. I'll talk to her." Katya pulled away to go and find her, to yell at her, but Trixie caught her and pulled her back. 

"No, it's okay. Don't." She smiled sweetly and shrugged, brushing it off. "Sorry. That's so awkward. I shouldn't have come early." 

"Trixie. I love you, you are my girlfriend. You have a right to be here as much as she does." Katya kissed her firmly. 

"Hmm." 

At this point, Violet stepped in and said, 

"That was a really cunty move Trix, she's a dickhead and you didn't deserve that. Sorry on her behalf." It was probably the nicest that Violet had ever been to Trixie, which almost made Trixie feel worse. 

"Thanks Vi. God, I feel -"

"Like you want to punch her, coz we'd totally understand!" Violet laughed and joshed Trixie slightly. "Ignore her, honestly. She'll get hers." Violet squeezed Trixie on the shoulder and turned away, shaking her head a little to herself. 

Katya stood firmly by Trixie's side the rest of the night, holding her hand and not letting it go. She snuck off occasionally to top up her levels, to have a drink or a smoke, but she was back by Trixie's side within moments every time. Trixie, who relaxed a little after a while, was clearly appreciative of it, and gradually allowed Katya to take her on a whimsical tour of the venue, pointing out little nooks and crannies where people were lying down, or dancing in close quarters with each other. It turned them both on beyond belief, Katya insatiably running her hands up and down the waist of her very pretty and bashful girlfriend.

The next trundled on, drinks were bought, spilled and drunk and the merriment carried forth into the early hours of the morning. At around 4am, Shea wandered over and suggested they all go back to a party round the corner that someone had invited her and 'any of her hot friends' too. Shea was delighted by this, and was firmly encouraging her friends to join her so that she could go, because obviously she wouldn't go without them for fear of being abducted. Fame and Violet were game, as they were firing on all cylinders, checking out the hot girls and guys together as if it were a game, and Katya didn't feel as if she wanted the night to be over just yet. Trixie was a little more hesitant, clearly feeling that she was reaching her peak of people energy, but Katya promised that they would go for a bit and if they decided they weren't feeling it, then they would move on or go home. Trixie agreed, reluctantly, eventually, and they all left the party together, notifying Ginger and giving her the address so that she could join them if she wanted to. 

The party was, literally, just around the corner, in a beautiful loft space that had the most magnificent views of the city. There were plants from floor to ceiling and everything about the party screamed money. Katya was a little envious. She wondered who their magnificent benefactor was as she sat down on the sofa with Trixie curled up next to her. Katya was, without a doubt, ready to go home almost as soon as she sat down, but Trixie had gotten chatting to one of Shea's friends and she didn't have the heart to suggest that they leave when she'd been so insistent that they go in the first place. There weren't huge amounts of people at the party, but enough for it to loud and vibrant all around them. People were smoking weed inside, with the doors thrown open as the sun came up. There was a general feeling of companionship and love as people meandered around, semi naked and glowing. Katya could feel herself being puddled down by the thought of sleep, and she rested her head on the sofa as Trixie chatted. Her eyes were heavy, and she was content. 

A while later, she was awoken by raised voices. 

She opened her eyes and Violet was stood on the far side of the room, visibly angry, talking to someone stood round the corner. Trixie wasn't there, and momentarily Katya wondered if it was her that Violet was arguing with. But, thankfully, Trixie slipped in through the balcony doors, holding a spliff between her fingers, a minute later. She smiled and kissed Katya on the forehead. 

"Hey there sleepy head, we should go." It was gentle, but there was a definite sense of urgency.

"Why?" Katya was confused. And then suddenly, 

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE VIOLET. SHE'S A BITCH AND I'M GOING TO TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT I THINK OF HER." That was definitely Alaska. Fuck. It snapped Katya to attention within seconds and she was off the sofa, rounding the corner, ready to scream at her ex. Trixie tried to grab her, to pull her back, but missed her arm by centimetres. 

"Katya. NO." Trixie yelled, but it was too late, and Katya rounded the corner. 

"Who Alaska? Who's a bitch? Me, or the girl who did nothing wrong who you've been treating like shit." 

"BOTH OF YOU. Why are you even here? Who invited you?" 

"What? Shea did." Katya was really confused now. She looked around, looking for Shea, and noticed Tatiana standing by the open plan kitchen on the other side of the room. It dawned on her that she might've invited Tatiana, because Tatiana and Shea didn't know each other and so there would be no connection between them and the drama. 

"Well it's Tatiana's place so I think you should leave. I don't want you here." 

"Fine." Katya laughed. "Honestly Lask, this makes you look like such a dick. Trixie has never done anything to you. Take it out on me, sure, but leave her the fuck alone." 

"She stole you from me -" 

Katya stopped, inhaled and looked Alaska squarely in the face. 

"Listen to me right now Alaska. She never stole me. I chose her. I love her. This is not her fault. It's not yours either, but you cannot take your hurt out on her, still, after 3 years. I thought we were past all this but clearly not. Perhaps... perhaps we should stop hanging out." Katya sighed. She didn't want that, but equally she didn't want to keep hurting everyone around her, and right now it felt like the right thing to do for everyone. Alaska's face dropped and she scowled. 

"Fine. Fuck you. Fine. I don't care anymore, I thought you cared about me but clearly you don't."

"It's not that I don't care about you, it's that I love her and... I want to be with her forever and you are making this too hard on everyone. Jesus." Katya scuffed her foot against the floor and exhaled. "Okay. I'm going. See you Lask. Happy New Year." 

She turned on her heel, grabbed Trixie and they threw on their coats before quickly agreeing with their other friends that they would catch up later in the day once everyone had slept. 

Once they got outside, Katya took Trixie by the face and kissed her. 

"I love you so much. I am sorry. Happy New Year. Here's to us." She kissed her again and felt a tear hit her face from Trixie. 

"I love you too." 

"Let's go home." They hailed a taxi, got in, and went home to relax and remind themselves of what peace felt like after a turbulent evening. 


End file.
